Jencaero

paul and kevin and crap. only 1 full day of school left sigh

Paul made a good point today

He said that, in opposition to Kevin's "we had to have
come from somewhere" point of view, that God had to had
come from somewhere. To me it seems that every logic used
in this whole religious debate thing is faulty. Paul also
told me that today mrs kaska told him in different terms
of course, that she has faith so f-off... that seems to be
how many people are when their beliefs are challenged,
however i suppose im again judging people which is a
nother one of my shortcomings and failings

i need to stop judging... and start helping. as aldo was
saying, make a difference. Ya know though, right now the
greatest difference i can make is preparing myself to make
a difference... yet i dont know if this goes against
religious teachings, even though im not sure if im cut out
to be catholic, i shall explain why.

in the parable of the 10 virgins, those who had not
prepared the way for the party and who ran out of oil
etc... were not admitted into the kingdom of heaven. so in
that sense, it says to prepare etc. but then, in the rich
fool, the man who had a surplus of grain tried storing it
for later... and died that very night. so with this in
mind, i ask myself which of the 2 applies to my scenario?
typical human, applying my experiences to someone elses...
on one hand, would i be "storing grain" in a sense by not
doing everything? or would i merely be preparing for the
wedding feast? furthermore, the kingdom is one not just of
acts, but of faith and goodness of heart. perhaps i should
take some action now, and prepare for later. not STORE my
talents, yet use them while constantly strengthening and
building them up... excercise my talents. speaking of
talents, id better explain the parable of the talents. it
basically says use your talents or be cast into hell.
however, the other one, parable of the 10 coins, says that
though someone REFUSES to submit to sin, they will still
suffer. just writing that down, so that if i look at this
in howeverlong, i will remember these seperate teachings

i now suppose i do have faith or something

perhaps more of a hope? i wish i could just rely on god...
i wish i felt more like i NEEDED him... yet its so hard
and so easy to deny things and apply god to my standards
my world. i dont understand any of my religion, and it
hasnt hit me hard yet, which is terrible... if it had done
so i would be better of faith now. what is keeping me from
having faith anyway? just my mind? it seems that the very
shallow seeming people have more faith because they never
try and THINK about their religion, just believe, like
children. would it be a sin to NOT think about your
religion? or quite the opposite.

if we all start out on the same level, then do we really
have free will? or are our lives controlled by outside
influences, our thoughts mastered by whats been shoved
down our throats these years and those who rebel are
shunned? who was it that said the catholic church is an
institution????

thank goodness Jason isnt gonna grow cannabis. im so glad
of that...

wow this has truly turned out to be a long entry of
nothingness. i sincerely wish i could actually think more
but with such a lack of sleep i fear that my final grades
will be quite low if i do not rest enough...sigh

time for jen-jen to shut up before something crazy happens

peace

~Jennifer~