Corruption in all its beautiful forms..
3 month anniversary
Today is Josh and I's 3 month anniversary. Its 4:51 and I
pretty much just woke up, we babysat for Renee until like
7am so neither of us went to school. CAHS sucks, they told
me to get a notebook done and 39 hours and i could get my
permit but now i find out i have to complete another
notebook by the end of the month, which is near impossible
to get it so fuck that....fuck school. Im listening now to
a cd i made myself, since Joyce once again is going to wipe
out the comp.
Josh and I, hmmmm....I love josh, i dont want to hurt him,
I want to be his friend, but it feels like our relationship
will never be what i need a relationship to be, its not
exciting, my feelings towards him add to the problem of the
dull and pointless in my eyes relationship. I have two
other options, both pretty much jokes, i just need to find
a REAL person, and yet my thoughts keep wandering back to
one of the realest people i know, the person that cant
leave my thoughts. Its sad, it makes me nauseous that I'm
still thinking about some guy that I havent even seen in 3
months. Geeze. Josh asked me last night whether i was in
love with dan still....I dont know how to respond, whether
i am in fact still in love with him, or its just that
nothing can compare to everything he fit into, he was near
perfect for me. And Josh's mom is another added pressure,
they always argue, josh wont do a goddamn thing, around the
house at least. I dont talk to my mom very much.:(
Josh got a job at Long Johns, I need to get one, I missed
orientation at McDonalds, cuz I didnt get the answer on the
answering machine, I didnt have my paper work anyways.
Nothings going my way, nothing...I hate life...
Song:Box car Racer-I feel so