Tainted

Disillusioned
2002-05-15 20:40:31 (UTC)

Philosophical shit


but on the positive side......

feeling a bit traumatised again. they found a 'growth' in
my aunts kidney.
what exactly is a growth?
its a bit of a non-term.
i have a gut-renching feeling its cancer.
i dont know if i can go through it all again. fuck im so
selfish.
wen we saw her at the weekend she was so thin, frail and
ill looking. yet when we left she told us to pray for her
on wednesday (the day of th op.). how can someone go
through all that shit and still believe in god? i wish i
believed in god. have something to believe in. i wish i
believed in something. such a cop out.

i dont know if i can cope with this shit agin. twice in one
year.
god im being premature.
but i know.
i just do.

do u know what the stupid part of this is? last night i
prayed for her.
i have never believed in that shit.
but i did.
i dont.

if there is a god then why should i believ in him/ worship
him? all hes ever done is piss on me, why should i give him
the benefit of the doubt. its a shit......i would have made
a decent christian as well.




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