Sidney

The quietest friend
2002-05-15 08:25:34 (UTC)

HURTS TOO MUCH


Why does my life hurt so God Damn much. I scream and rage at
God telling him that I cannot take any more of this, but it still
keeps coming down on me like an endless Thunder Storm. Just when hope
arives into my life, Just when I almost start to believe that I
deserve better. I realize that I have no right, nobody deserves my
nuerosis. I am poison to all relationships, there is just too much
pain inside of me. too much pressure to be everything that everyone
wants me to be. Fuck I don't even know who or what I am anymore. And
I know nobody really cares anyways. All I know is that I am like a
hurricane destroying every thing and everyone that comes in contact
with me. I must have been an awfull being in a formal life because
the pain I have is starting to become too much to bear. I feel like I
just want to tear off my skin to get this horrible black knot out of
my gut. I try so hard to always do the right thing and it always
bites me in the Ass. I just want someone to hold me in their arms and
tell me that everything will be okay. I want someone to save me. I
want someone to love me so completely that they are willing to share
the ugliness that is my past, I need someone to help me understand
why all of this has happened to me. Noone sees my feelings or if they
do they just don't care. I wish that I just had the balls to end it
all but I keep hoping that something will save me, stupid I know, but
I can't let go of that hope, I need it or I would just crawl into a
corner and stop living. I feel so alone, so isolated. It hurts so
much I just don't know if I can take this much longer! How loud do
I have to scream until someone hears me?