Essie

ahoy hoy
Ad 2:
2002-05-15 08:02:28 (UTC)

dealing with the nothing

i dunno what wrong with me one min i feel fine, and the
next i feel like , well i really dont kno w how i feel.
right now all i can think about is is it worth living i
mean , will anyone really care if i die would
my "friends"even notice if i dissapered. i dont know i
fel that that wouldnt, i think that the m inute i would
leave and say, not call them for a while they would not
rember me , like they would have me in the back of their
heads and wonder "hey i wonder hoe essie is doing" but
thats about it, i mean if i were gone they woulnt know nor
do i think they would care. i mean, i dont know. i know
my parent woul dprobably be upset but its their duty to
be, i mean even if they arent they wouldlook weird and
unatural if they didnt display some type of grivance even
if they are feeling jack shit.i dont know i though i
would be happy back in LA but am really not, i mean i was
for a couple of day but not anymore. its hard. i mean
i'll be fine and then something really small will make me
upset, i think am seeing thing in nothing. am just tired
of life, i really am ,and i cant help it, am sick of it,
it has its perks, but, there is always a but. i feel that
no one reallyc ares about me right know this minute, i
mean am sure people do care , but. i dunno why am crying
right now. i just had a great day, i hang out with a
frined and we went to the movies. nothing bad has happened
i have actually had a really good day, i dont understand
why am so sad and it fucking pisses me off. but then am
back to not caring, not caring about what happens to me,
not caring about anything. like am said am sick of life
and it really scares me that i think this way. to make
it clear like i dont fear death i could die this moment
and i wouldnt give a shit, hell death would be a release,
freedoom, i really feel that i have no reason to feel this
way but ido. good am so sick of this world of life of
everything, this world sufficates me.


ahh i had a bloody nose this morning it wass o gross, i
woke up to go pee early inthe morning when i sarted
feeling something come out of my nose, i was like, what
the fuck, not a nice way to wake up luckly it was just
alittle the minute i got a rag and clean my nose and my
hads it was gone must have lasted for like a minute. which
was juts fine with me


life is a hell hole that is disguuised by nice perks and
nice moments but over all its a bitch.


tata am going to curl up now in bed an cry over nothing, i
just cant seem to help myself

:( tata


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