sweetaddiction

~*~*~*~
2002-05-15 06:22:56 (UTC)

fuck

im beginning to think that i cant handle life without it.
im beginning to think
my stubbornness is my sole problem.
because feeling the full force of life.
is making me more crazy than any of it ever fucking did.


i dont know what to do.
i dont know what to think
i want to cry and i am but i know that doesnt do anything
and all i do is write and its not making anything better i
need something else to take this away i cant sleep im over
cigarettes i dont know what to do i cant deal i cant how
the fuck much man i just dont understand why why why why
the fuck i fucking hate so much i fucking hate everything i
just want to curl up in a ball im so tired of being strong
im not feeling so strong right now i want to fucking kill
someone but instead i know im going to go upstairs and do
something to make myself sleep and do it all wrong so that
i feel like ive hurt myself somewhat becuase i need to feel
something other than the anger and pain that has become
myselg my life the world i fucking hate everything i
fucking hate no t being able to do anything all i have is
love and hate and pain thats it and the love is the main
thing but it keeps being questioned and i hate that i hate
everything fuck fuck fuck FUck fucKFUCKFUCKFUCFUCKCK

its late its fucking late i want to fuckin go somewhere
there is no place for me to go chill music isnt helpeing i
cant talk to anyone simons worried i want to fucking hit
something i want to fucking do something i cant i fuckng
cant im going to go im going to go and do shit i really
fucking dont condone because i am no better than the
peoplei want to help and maybe thats hwy i want to fucking
help them

fuck yuou.
fuck you.
fuck ou ofuofuocuofu FUCK YUOU FUCK YOU WORLD FUCK YOU
FUUUUUCCKKK YOU


idontavertmyeyes (1:40:54 AM): hey
(1:41:12 AM): hey- what's goin' on? are you ok?
idontavertmyeyes (1:41:24 AM): im really fucking pissed.
idontavertmyeyes (1:41:29 AM): i dont think i can talk rigt
now.
(1:41:33 AM): why, baby?
idontavertmyeyes (1:41:51 AM): because the world is a bunch
of fucking bullshit
idontavertmyeyes (1:41:59 AM): the world fucking sucks
idontavertmyeyes (1:42:04 AM): the world is fucking ignorant
idontavertmyeyes (1:42:09 AM): and no one is doing anything
fucking about it
(1:42:24 AM): what happened? :-[
idontavertmyeyes (1:42:26 AM): they all fucking sit around
watching tv
idontavertmyeyes (1:42:35 AM): and being concerned about
fucking bullshit
idontavertmyeyes (1:42:36 AM): friends.
idontavertmyeyes (1:42:41 AM): they watch fucking friends.
idontavertmyeyes (1:42:45 AM): and they drink beer
idontavertmyeyes (1:42:51 AM): to make themseleves stupid
idontavertmyeyes (1:43:02 AM): so that they CANT fucking
think because THINKING is just a fucking problem
idontavertmyeyes (1:43:05 AM): fuck the,
idontavertmyeyes (1:43:07 AM): fuck people.
idontavertmyeyes (1:43:35 AM): fuck society and fuck people
who turn there fucking heads to real fucking problems and
focus on shit SHIT its all SHIT
idontavertmyeyes (1:43:43 AM): i think i need to go.
idontavertmyeyes (1:43:48 AM): i think im going to combust.
(1:43:53 AM): sweetie- what on earth happened?
idontavertmyeyes (1:44:05 AM): nothing that doesnt happen
every fucking day.
idontavertmyeyes (1:44:15 AM): nothing that hasnt happened
before
idontavertmyeyes (1:44:25 AM): nothing that wont fucking
happen 10 seconds from now.
idontavertmyeyes (1:44:37 AM): i swear im going to change
things.
(1:44:44 AM): are you talking about discrimination?
idontavertmyeyes (1:44:57 AM): i would fucking give my life
to make people realize how fucking fucked up everything is.
idontavertmyeyes (1:45:02 AM): im talking about it all.
idontavertmyeyes (1:45:09 AM): im talking about everything.
im so fucking pissed.
idontavertmyeyes (1:45:15 AM): this isnt going to go away
simon.
idontavertmyeyes (1:45:34 AM): i used to chastise myself
for being so angry.
idontavertmyeyes (1:45:42 AM): im going to fucking basque
in it.
idontavertmyeyes (1:45:50 AM): utilize it.
idontavertmyeyes (1:45:54 AM): i fucking hate them
(1:46:04 AM): who's "them"?
idontavertmyeyes (1:46:06 AM): i think ive really lost it.
idontavertmyeyes (1:46:08 AM): ha.
idontavertmyeyes (1:46:24 AM): ignorant people. men.
idontavertmyeyes (1:46:28 AM): everything
idontavertmyeyes (1:46:29 AM): everyone
idontavertmyeyes (1:49:22 AM): i love you.
idontavertmyeyes (1:49:35 AM): i do. youre great.
(1:49:38 AM): I love you, too, Ash
idontavertmyeyes (1:49:56 AM): youre great and people suck
(1:50:07 AM): I am a people
(1:51:02 AM): why are you so angry right now? what set you
off?
idontavertmyeyes (1:51:17 AM): i cant talk about it.
(1:51:33 AM): :-
(1:53:35 AM): I wish you knew how much I worry about you. I
know that we don't talk all that often, but I don't know
what I would do without you
Auto response from idontavertmyeyes (1:53:35 AM): you dont
want to speak with me right now.


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