deadnut

The End
2001-06-07 19:54:02 (UTC)

just chill


I appreciate the advice from my anonymous messager however
it is not that simple. If it were I would not be here
writing this crap. And sometimes in order to let it go one
must write it down.

You cannot know what binds my soul to this earth. That which
will not allow me to roam free. A thousand lifetimes weigh
heavy upon me and every breath I fight for. I am bound by
years of guilt and loss. Most of which I cannot speak about,
for to do so would only bring back that pain.

Sometimes in order to move forward, one must look
backwards, but I can only live in the moment. I spent far
too many years just chilling. Not enough years feeling and
releasing. And now I am paying the price.

Will I survive it? Perhaps. Do I want to? Perhaps. But maybe
not. I don't know. If I find my center I will once again
survive another harsh blow dealt to me by the fickle fingers
of fate. If I don't...well then I won't be worrying about it
anymore.