camicazy

realies

i feel as if i've been stripped off everything that
conceals who i really am. my clothes are gone, my masks
taken away...and i feel vulnerable. vulnerable.

like i said before, sometimes it's nice to let other people
know what you think. but sometimes, you think otherwise.
you think twice because sometimes, you're just not ready to
expose this other side of you to someone else.

am i really learning the wrong things in life? am i truly
stagnant in this journey? am i dwelling too much in what i
feel and what i know, instead of what i should feel and
what i should know? am i not growing...am i not
learning...am i trapped in this glass box?

VII
'O thin men of Haddam,
Why do you imagine golden birds?
Do you not see how the blakcbird
Walks around the feet
Of the women about you?'
Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird
Wallace Stevens

am i a thin man of Haddam who does not imagine golden birds
but concentrates too much at the black birds and refuses to
look at the golden ones?

i'm 17. i feel like i'm 17...but maybe my mind is only 15
or 14. there is so much that i do not know...and so much
that i need to learn.

am i really stuck? am i really refusing to climb out of
this black hole?

i need to get out. i need to get out.