melange

day 1 of torture

it's my 1st day of my time off from school. i just feel
like crying. i want to hurt myself. but im just too quiet
for something like that. she's so mean to me. and she
makes me so hurt i can't even articulate how she makes me
hurt. she's my enemy. she curses at me......god i hav 4
months to put up with this. she makes me feel bad for
being me. she tortures my life. so im on my bro's
computer, cuz my computer the internet won't work..well
anyways, she comes in and she curses me out and calls me
names and then i was telling her about some class that im
going to take in july and she says that she is sick and
tired of hearing me bitching about everything. im sorry for
saying something. im sorry for opening my
mouth....sorry..sniffles..oh god im crying now....i swear
is there anyone out there that can understand my pain????
well after the cursing part, i had to clean the house...i
feel like a fucking slave.....i hate my life....i'd be
better off dead....the only rebellion i did was not say
anything to her on mother's day..well i was successful..i
just tried to keep busy w/ school. but now there's nothing
to keep me busy, and im juss dying. damn if there really
was a god, won't he help me out of this? like show me a
sign or something. i hate being treated this way. im so
hurt and hurt is not even a good word anymore. im
emotionally scarred and my life seems so dim, because i
can't control my own life. im capable of controlling my
life, but im manipulated by these forces. i swear one of
these days im juss gonna crack, and im gonna rebel like no
one has