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2002-05-14 13:23:14 (UTC)

yay for tuesdays

its almost like i forgot what the world looked like at this
time of day.
so emily is off for almost a week.
i miss her already.
i know that this time will be well spent though
i have a lot of people to pay attention to that i seem to
have been neglecting.
and time apart always seems to make people more aware of
what they actually have.
well, for a short period of time anyway.
i have to go to work today and i am very much not so much
in the mood for that.
345s not bad though and maybe ill meet lou lou =)
she laid down on the floor in the airport with her head in
my lap.
i watched her although i know she would have hated that if
she had known.
but she didnt and it made me happy
i think that i love every single part of her.
its like every little attribute is exciting for me
like her eye brows.
or her freckles.


so this whole thing with christin is gradually passing over.
as i knew it would.
they are still talking, sort of.
well lets say...they have communication.
which is more than i was willing or able to accept in the
but i think that this way is a lot more healthy.
im really glad to see that emily is okay with not talking
to her SOOooOoooOOoOOoOOOOO much as it was before.
it means a fuck of a lot to me.
and i know that its a whole lot more healthy for both of us
as a whole.

things are working out.just the way we knew they would.

the last couple of weeks seem like this huge blur in my
i cant really decipher one day from another and maybe thats
the way it should be.
who knows.

this whole.
um. yeah people read my journal so blank thing.
she knows that i dont like it. that i dont condone it. what
so ever at all.
and she knows all the reasons why i feel that way which is
why i choose most of the time not to say anything anymore
because i feel like im just reiterating the same thoughts
and feelings over and over and over over over again.
im not going to tell her what to do though.
and im not going to leave her because she thinks about
things differently than i do.
fuck if THAT was going to be the big oh we have to break up
now thing that would have been like 10 months ago.
shes a big girl.
fully capable and willing to make her own decisions about
this kind of thing.
and all of this taken into consideration
im still not going to sit around and watch her fuck herself
but shes being good.
maybe i shouldnt really say good.
shes being as safe as she can anyway.
and that is really impressive.

it was also really impressive hearing her say that she was
glad that she was going away for a bit where she wouldnt
have that stuff.

however stubborn. shes not a stupid girl.

"But if you are paying attention, the legacy of racism is
not hard to see, and we are all affected by it." -- Beverly
Daniel Tatum, PH.D.


i had a revelation last night.
i finally know what i want to do with my life as far as my
career is concerned.
ashley the substance abuse conselor.
it feels really fucking great to have some sort of
direction finally.

i think i need a nap before work.