Roo

My Little Thoughts
2002-05-14 01:24:53 (UTC)

My Beautiful Beach

I'm so scared of myself,
Of what I might do,
So afraid,
Of being alone,
I look around,
Dark as night,
The voices in my head are calling me,
Rooting me on,
Steering me into the kitchen,
Opening a drawer,
Pulling out the sharpest knife,
Dragging my numb body to the bathroom,
I fill the tub,
Get undressed and jump in,
The hot water covers my whole body,
Feels like I'm floating,
I take a deep breath and go under the water,
Seeing everything with far away eyes,
I surface and think intently,
No sound excepte my poor heart beating,
I want to drag the knife deep across my left wrist,
Then my right,
It would sting but after awhile I'd feel light and airy,
I could hear the ocean,
The crashing waves,
The circling gulls,
The warm air blowing softly through my hair,
I'd be on horseback,
Riding into the blue water,
The sun blazing down upon me,
And I'd be so very happy.
With a soft smile frozen on my bluish lips,
And my heart would be slowing,
Getting so very tired,
I shut my eyes and I'm back,
On my beautiful beach,
On my beautiful gray stallion,
Going farther into the deep blue ocean,
We'd turn to the right and finally touch sand,
I'd gallop down the beach,
Farther and farther away from frantic voices,
I can hear screaming in the distance,
But it's so faint I ignore it,
I'm going faster and faster,
My horse rears up and I fall off,
"calm down boy," I call" what is it?"
His innocent choclate brown eyes are scared,
And I stand up shakily.
I open my eyes weakly not focusing,
I am to weak to struggle; To weak to care,
I'm so numb,
I squint my eyes again,
Then shut them.
I'm back on my beach,
My gray stallion is waiting for me,
I stare wistfully out across the ocean,
Tears sliding down my cheeks.




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