ThOuGhTs Of A LoTuS ChiLd
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2002-05-14 00:06:39 (UTC)

It's Twice as Clear as Heaven and Twice as Loud as Reason

Oh man...I think my life has been flipped completely upside
down.heres the low down on the weekend

-----------Friday nights alright for drinking-----------
Well my mom came home and told me she couldnt take me out
to get frames becuz her friend Mark and her new love
interest Mike were coming over to help her do yardwork.my
dad brought my car over at 6 and its great.i finally have a
car.then mark and mike showed up at 6:30 and they are
really nice kewl guys.well i decided to make a mixed
drink.i downed it with the quickness,then i decided to have
a beer..well i drank quite a few more, partly out of
depression becuz burke didnt call and i thought he was
gonna ditch me.so adam and shana show up at 930 and im
pissy ass drunk.so they drag my ass out to dairy queen and
i got a kids meal to sober me up.well i got home and mark
and them went outside to smoke a bowl and i saw that
Tibsy's house called.so i called back and his lil sis sara
said they just left to burkes.i called there and left a
message on the machine.so i cracked open a fresh beer and
worked on sum drawings.at like 1130 they called and asked
if they got beer could they drink it here i said sure and
at like 1230 Tibsy,Burke,and Tibsy's friend Scott from the
naval academy showed up with two cases of beer and two
cases of smirnoff.so my mom gave her hugs and asked how
everyone was doin.it was so weird seeing burke...he looked
so nice.and hes not scrawny and hes tan!! well the first
like 20 mintues was us standing in the kitchen with akward
silence and looks.then we all went into the living room and
put on cartoon network..just like old times.well i told
them they were spending the night becuz i wasnt goin to
have them drive drunk.so we drank some and we all just hung
out.burke was picking on me all night, throwing beer caps
and pillows and just joking with me.i could catch him out
of the corner of my eye looknig at me.well i went upstairs
to find a movie and burke walked in my room.he just saton
my bed and looked around at everything at first and then he
got right up to my face and asked what my deal was and what
was wrong with me.i tried to explain to him the shit thats
been goin on and how ive changed and when he looked into my
eyes..i couldnt take it..there such a beautiful green,it
felt like i was swimming in them so i had to look away.i
got all flustered and was trying to explain things and he
just hugged me and told me to calm down and id be fine.he
smelled sooo good.i just wanted him to hold me like that
for eternity but i pulled away and went to fix my hair.and
he came behind me and put his arms around me again and i
leaned up and we kissed.it felt so right but i came to my
senses and i relized i was crying as we kissed.i pulled
away and starting sobbing.he walked out of the room and i
thought i blew it.well we were downstairs watching a movie
and he layed his head on my lap and i ran my fingers
through his hair.and then he was on top of me and were were
kissin and i could feel his hands tuggin at my shirt and
shaping around my sides.i cried sum more and we whispered
things to each other about how we missed one another and i
tried to tell him i couldnt do this and get hurt again.and
he looked me in th eyes and told me "I Love You" then we
fell asleep on the couch.

----------- Awake With New Light -----------
Saturday morning i woke up and burke had his damn foot
sticking in my face.i had to laugh.so i slid off the
couch.it was 8 am and my dad was gonna be there to pick me
up and take me driving at like 9.i had a massive hangover
so i went upstairs and put on Incubus,got a shower and made
sum coffee.burke got up and put on Skrewloose then went
back to bed.my dad showed up and was kewl with burke and
them there.so we had to leave em there since it was
early.so i woke burke up and told them to make sure they
locked the door when they left.i didnt really kno how to
say bye but he made a kissy face which he always used to
door when he wanted me to kiss him.so i bent down and
kissed him and i said bye.so we went to mickey d's to get
food and i drove around through West Virginia all day.then
i came home and my mom had me drive to clean out my car and
then up to the mall.i came home and mark and mike came back
over and hing out.we ordered pizza.mark's girlfriend amanda
came over and she's gonna get me a job at ponderosa.

----------- Mother's Day @ Gramma's -----------
sunday we got up and went to the market and the mall..i got
sum tank tops and underwear.then we went to my great
grandmas to celebrate Mother's Day and my nana and aunt's
birthdays.so it was a day with the family and like everyone
was there.then i came home and chilled sum.

----------- Grease Monkey -----------
well today after skool i went to my paps to work on the car
since we have to have it inspected tommorrow.he tought me
all kinds of stuff and it seems the E brake isnt working
very well at all..so we need to check that shit out and get
it fixed.it was kewl working wirh my pap. i like spending
time with him like that.now we have a reason to...my car.

----------- Set Myself Up For A Fall -----------
I dont think burke meant anything he said friday or meant
to do anything that happened friday.maybe he thought he
made a mistake by doin it.but hes barely talking to me
online and he avoids everything i ask about friday.so im
goin to forget it even happened...i should of known this
would happened..im goin to by broken hearted forever becuz
i got stuck with an asshole for a soulmate.i just cant