Lost and Searching
2002-05-13 05:36:22 (UTC)

Tried not to think tonight!

Tonight went to the IMCA Mofied races, something that is a
summer tradition in the family....At first I did not want
to go, I just wanted to sit at home and feel sorry for
myself...But then I read my horoscope and it told me to do
something that I would have not normally instead
of staying home I went along to the races, sat out in the
cold, froze my buns off, and enjoyed the vibrations of the
engines, the wind from the speed, and knew that if I was
going to die, I could of died during the races without a
regret...You see I am not, never was, nor am I ever going
to be a fast runner, but I have a fascination with driving
fast and speeding...And the races I watch do not go as fast
as nascar but they go enough to run on the highway
extremely quickly....and this is like an addiction I hear the engine, to watch the drivers make the
split second decisions...Knowwing if the car is set up for
the track, what the track is racing like....Now I have sat
in a Late Model, not a Modified yet, but the next thing I
want to do before I die is to drive one around the track,
to know what its like to have some other pressure pushing
against you...I have talked to the drivers before and they
all say that say the same "its a great rush, but you have
to concentrate so hard that you can't let anything enter
your mind" and i wander if it is possible for me to do
that..To block out the thought that I am dying sooner than
wanted, can I look past that and just let the engine drive
for me...I don't think so.