No Matter How Hard I Try...
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2002-05-13 04:31:15 (UTC)

no one realizes

I dont think anyone realizes how much I truley hate my
older sister Tricia. Yeah, she can be really cool
sometimes, like when we are in public and sometimes she is
nice to me. But not very often. I am so sick of her shit.
Here it is 12:17 in the morning and I need to be awake in
less than 5 hours. She gave me her damn cold and I can't
sleep. I fell asleep at 11 after laying in bed for 3 hours.
11:15 comes around and her fucking giggling wakes me up!
She was giggling at the computer over something her
boyfriend said. I have nothing against Matt (her bf). It's
pretty bad when I can't sleep. On top of that, after 2 and
a half hours of her being online I ask for 10 minutes and
it's a problem. I had to wait until now for 10 mintues. I
am so sick of asking her measly little things and her
making a big fucking deal out of it. I ask her to tell
someone to say hello while she is talking to them on IM and
she wont. But of course I am always playing communicator
for her and her bf and her and my friend Matt. Which leads
me to another reason I hate her. She tries to steal my
friends and tries to make them think she is better and
cooler than I am. I'm not saying I'm cool but I wan't my
freaking friends for myself. Call me selfish but geez...she
is really intruding. She uses my make-up, brush, Cd's,
clothes, guitar etc. whenever the freak she wants. It's
really pissing me off. I am so sick of being nice to her
and getting nothing but shit. I am sick of being treated
like dirt. Walked all over and thrown around. I also hate
how concieded and preppy she is. I ask her if an outfit
looks dumb or not, or if a belt looks dumb or not she goes
telling everyone how preppy I am. EVERYDAY of my fucking
life she asks me if she matches too much, or if she looks
fat, or if she looks alright, or tells me how she is so
much prettier than Kirsten Dunce and other actresses. She
isn't ugly but geez! She is always putting me down, showing
me up, and mocking me. I know I'm not prize and nothing
good, but I am human and I do have feelings. But to her I
am a stone wall. She can throw and thing at me and I'm not
allowed to break. It isn't fair. I am sick of looking up
things for her and printing out things for her and simply
asking for ONE less than 2 minute thing for her to get me
and she flips. I am suck of hearing how dumb I am. I am
sick of being mocked. I am sick of being a stone wall.
Maybe it's that I can't do anything right. yeah, I think
that's it. I guess I'm not perfect enough, or pretty enough
for her perfect little world. I guess I'm just a walking,
breathing fuck-up. As Jessica says "breathing is a
discusting habit and you should stop" maybe I should do
that...I'm sure it'd make people happy. Don't take that the
wrong way, I don't intend on being suicidal again but
sometimes I wish I were. I'm going to shut-up before I get
even more upset. Good night to you all and I hope you are
better than I am.