Mykel

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2002-05-13 03:35:09 (UTC)

:(

I know that pretty much every single time I write in here
I'm writing that I'm so sure that my boyfriend is going to
break up with me. Yes, I probably am somewhat paranoid. BUT
this time things are really really bad. He admitted to me
yesterday that there is something that makes him not call
me and not want to spend time with me but he doesn't know
what that something is. So basically to me that means that
he doesn't like me anymore. Really I don't see why else he
would do that. If he liked me he would want to talk to me,
want me to go along with him when he does things. It
shouldn't make things less fun for me to be with him when
he goes out places. But that apparently seems to be what's
going on here. This is really not a new feeling for me as
my only other boyfriend also felt this way about me. I
guess there is something about me that drives guys away.
I'm really not a horrible person though and I don't really
understand why I am incabable of having a relationship last
much beyond 2 months. It's pretty pathetic considering that
I am almost 20 years old. So I kind of would like to talk
to him about these things but he had company over tonight
for mothers day and told me that he would call me which i
am increasingly doubtful about. it's already 1030. So i'm
pretty upset about things. I sorta feel like he's backing
me into a corner here where I have no choice but to break
up with HIM because he's sort of treating me like shit, and
it's not at all fun to be going out with someone that you
know doesn't like you and doesn't want to be with you. But
it's also very hard for me to think about breaking up with
him because I do like him a lot. And I want to make things
work, if that's at all possible. I feel awful that I can't
make a relationship work. My friend has been with her
boyfriend for almost a year and a half. I don't think that
I am any less agreeable or desireable than she is yet for
some reason all the men on this planet do not see things
this way. I don't really know what I can do. I can't become
a nun because i'm not catholic. I don't think becoming a
lesbian is really a possibility either. I would really like
to have a guy go out with me and maybe even love me... but
if that isn't possible i think i could settle for just not
being treated like shit if things become uncomfortable for
them. I wish I knew what it was that I do that drives
people away. i hate feeling this way.


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