Nicole

~Lost in Darkness~
2002-05-13 02:51:02 (UTC)

To kiss or not to Kiss?

Today is Sunday, & Greg left about an hour an half ago.
Yet again he somehow talked me into going swimming. Well
after words we went on a walk, like usual. But this time
was diffrent for some reason. We didnt actually talk about
anything important. Except for when ill be single and such.
No this time as we were walking, I stoped talking and
started to listen to my feeling. I relised all I wanted
right then and there was for him to hold me. Not make out,
but just to put his arms around me and hold me intill he
had to leave. I forced myself to keep walking, but he had
already noticed. He kept asking me what it was that i was
thinking, but i wouldent say. I gave him a hug a few
minutes later but just a quick one. I knew this would
happen. Im addicted to his touch already. Well we went up
to the Middle school just around the corner and "talked".
Now we didnt make out, but we didnt really talk ither. Well
around this time Vannessa came from nowhere and asked me if
i would mind if i would cover if her boyfriend showed up
and we all did something. I said yes of corse, so after a
little more walking we went back to my place. There i had
to finish my chores and Kriss showed up like planned. Well
after awhile of screwing peoples lifes online, we all
somehow ended up in my room. It was quite an experince. I
had the pillow over my chest because well i like my pillow.
Anyway he had gotten it so Vannessa and Kriss were on my
rug and we were on the bed. Next thing I knew was that he
was licking my nose. Ya weird. He tried to bite it at one
point. Well messing around with him i told him to be
careful or might bite. He told me to. So well I bit his
tounge, not hard but still. I was so scared though, only
because i could see me doing that and with a little bit of
a movement the wrong way, it being a kiss. I wanted to kiss
him so badlly, thats how i know im addicted, and ive yet to
even kiss him yet. The girl at my work, Nicole, tells me to
break off my relationship before schools out. I would but
of 2 factors. 1 being that i still like PJ the 2nd being
that if i were to, hed move to Arizona for collage. And
well as much as i would like to break it off i dont want
him to move right away. I dont know, if he dosent break it
off by the first week into summer, i think, no, i will
break it off. I rather break it off by dumping him, than
betraying my own morals and cheating on him. I refuse to
cheat on him, its just the way i am. I refuse to cheat on
any guy. But well if he choses not to believe me than its
his own problem. Its funney though, we had an orchastra
banquet last night, EVERYONE showed, except 3 people. The
1st because they were out of town, the second because they
had a drama banquet to go to. The third, my boyfriend,
because he didnt want to dress up. I had his mom, my mom,
and me all try to convice the dude to go. I had all of his
friends try to convince him to go. I even cried on the
phone begging and he still refused to go. In the end i had
one of the worst social gathering Ive ever gone to. It
ended up being not to bad, but the first half of it was
misery. Not only did ALL of my friend forget to save a seat
for me, so did my dad and g-mom. That really pained me. And
then ontop of that, they ran out of seats, guess who had to
sit outside to eat their dinner? Yup, me. I ended up
running to the bathroom and crying for a minute. Morease
offered his chair being the gentalmen he is, but i didnt
care to be with people who didnt want me there. The more I
think about it the more I think Nicoles' right. Maybe I
should go against myself and break it off. At least then
Greg would be happy. And even with all this, my friend
Phill went to Renniasance Festival yesterday and my best
friend went today, and yet ive still to go. Damn its nice
to be the outcast of every single group.




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