My screwed up life.
2002-05-12 19:04:13 (UTC)

Mothers Day!

Well last night went better than the night before. I didn't
do anything to provoke a fight. He has told me that I get
what I deserve. I will work all day to make it a good day
for the kids. I slept so much yesterday I figured I would
sleep like crap last night but I slept pretty good. I felt
really good when I first got up today, but now I am feeling
like crying again. Always feeling like this is so hard. I
wonder when my neck hurts like this if its mental or
physical. I won't tell anyone I don't feel good. They are
trying so hard to make it a good day. I wish I could be
happy without putting forth an effort. I wonder whats wrong
with me. How can I want to destroy my family for my own
happiness. Thats the question I have been asking for three
years. My first councelor made me work on feeling good
about myself but thats when I met Bret. So being assertive
backfired for me. I need to be a good little wifey and do
as I am told. I just wonder if I will ever love my husband
again. Our councelor made us sign papers last week. Mine
said I won't talk to bret, and his said he won't have any
physical contact with me. Well he has broken his, he has
tried to kiss me twice already. I didn't really break mine,
I had to cut things off with bret. I know I am depressed,
but I dont' need drugs I need a new life. How long can I go
on like this.