My screwed up life.
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2002-05-12 18:57:54 (UTC)

his way or you pay

I know this is my third entry but I am copying the diary I
started on Thurs 5-9. Well my plan to sleep in my daughters
room didn't work out to well. Last night he reminded me of
why I need to work on getting out. My ideas don't count for
anything. He has always told me where to sleep and its not
going to change now. I am still wearing pajamas even though
I know he hates it. I am very angry at myself for giving in
but My head hurt so badly I couldn't fight anymore. I hate
myself when I give in to him, but its so hard when he gets
so mad and starts playing head games with me. He knows I
will give in. If I can't stand up for myself on such a
simple thing how will I ever on other things. Why does he
always lose it and start saying his life is shit and he is
going to end it. Why do i fall for it everytime? All of his
thoughts are about him, never what is best for me. I am mad
I took that damn pill too. Its the middle of the afternoona
nd I still can feel it. Of course he just thinks I am down.
All I feel like doing is going to bed. My life is pasing my
just like the song says. How long will it wait for me?
Trent gives no thought to what this is doing to our son.
That pisses me off even more. He is so damn selfish. I wish
I could talk to Bret, or anyone. I have no one.

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