Lost and Searching
2002-05-12 18:48:59 (UTC)

Everythings out of reach

Today is one of those days that you would stay curled up in
bed next to your lover or on the couch, its kinda rainy
and dreary oustide and you want to be with someone insider
where its warm...But those things seem to be just outside
of my reach. For awhile I believed that I could have
anything I just set my heart too...But last night I found
out that dreams are just fairy tales in the matter
how close they seem they are just beyond my reach..and last
night was no exception...the male in speculation has no
idea of my immeniant departure, which is one of the
reason's we problably have a grand time together..but mixed
signals and messages, I do not understand.....So when I
went to sit by him innocently on the couch to show him
something, the first opportunity he had he moved away...I
swear it's some cruel joke of god, that gave me the sense
or ability to hide dissappoint and keep myself level headed
in calm...On the drive home I just wanted to cry my eyes
out, but the levellness in me kept me from doing it because
I problably would have crashed...I used to believe that
there was someone out there for everyone...and the time you
stopped trying so hard to find them, is when they will fall
in your lap..I am begining to realize I may be just plain
crazy or can't see the truth through the lies I have
conjured up. Can anyone tell me what the truth is?? No,
because I have looked, read, searched, and even prayed for
the answer..and it is not out there...I may be destined to
live what little time i have left alone.