Astrid Haven

The Astrid Log
2002-05-12 09:16:12 (UTC)

`-'Bulemic Religion'-`

I found in a garden a key. No map, no quest, no hints
to a lock or a treasure. Simply a key. This told me that
there was a door, a gate, or a chest somewhere locked and
no one could see or get to what was inside. So set my
quest.

The story you are about to read is true. Some names
titles and locations have been changed to protect the
innocent. Some scenes may contain some objects of graphic
nature. Reader Discrestion is advised.

I took the key and rolled it around in my hand, as it to
memorize how it feels. Testing it weight and size and
noticing any marks or indents it may have had on it to
maybe hint somewhat to it's origion. But, all I could read
on it was a simple but questioning series of digits.
I gently, as to not harm the genuality of the key,
scraped away the dirt and stains from around the looped
head of key to uncover the impression of the seven
characters. They seemed to have been branded into the
rusted but sturdy metal, which at the time i questioned the
genuality of purity, with some sort of stamp that melted
the numbers and letters.
I read it several times until the point that it was
perminatly burned into my mind like a inflamed needle
jabbing rappidly at my brain.
"Where have I seen this before?" I asked myself aloud.
But I simply shruged it off and slid the key into my pocket
and glanced around the garden.
I seemed to have found myself wondering in this place
for sometime now, but where ever I was, I appeared to
always be in the exact center. All around me, the garden
was full of so many diffrent flowers and roots, trees and
srubs, and ever kind of fungus, fruit, and weed
imaginable. Everyone came here to plant their seeds. Some
sections had grown into one another and share common soil,
others seemed to be so spread out that it had not it's own
section, but a wide range of freelance growth, which
affected each section that it touched in it's own way, and
many just seemed to be small isolated, ditched off islands
of weeds and grass like growths.
I had not planted many things here, but now that the
key gingled in my pocket against various other things I had
found sence I long ago started woundering the garden, I
felt as thought it wouldn't be to much longer until I
started sowing seeds.
Once I observed my surroundings and set out walking
once more, I began seeing things no longer as just simple
growth or a simple farmer, no, now everything appeared to
be possibilities. Maybe someone, or somthing knew what
this key fit into. What possible doors, or gateways it
could open.
I approached a great number of people and situations,
so many and so colorful that now I could not credit them if
my life was dependent on the fact.
I can however, recall a few that were very much
important to the discovery to the origion and the purpose
of the key.
A silent voice came from behind a bush. This bush,
however, was compiled of a grand number of differnt but
commonly growing shrubs and vines. It's vines seemed to
spread across the garden in all directions and over as many
sectors as it could. I had remembered coming across some
of these snake like growths during differnt parts of my
previous obscurities through the garden.
I approched the bush, but the voice stayed behind it. I
beconed it to show itself, but it refused.
"Appear to me," I called to it.
"I cannot," it replyed.
"And why is this?" I was puzzled as to what this voice's
speaker could be hiding from.
"First, I must ask of you three questions." it spoke,
as the vines continued to grow about the roots of the bush
and spread throughout the garden.
"Have at it," I said, with a smirk of confedence written
across my face.
"Do you see me shaking this bush and the vines growing
from it?"
"Yes I do," I was startled at such a simple question, I
began to question the sanity of the creature behind the
voice. But the curiousity of what it might be getting at
kept me interested.
"Do you hear my voice coming from behind this bush as if
I have a secrete that I am willing to share with listeners?"
"Yes, ofcourse. How else would I be speaking to you,"
I asked in hopes that I understood the question the way it
was ment to be understood.
"Many individuals talk to anything, hoping they will
find answers. And convence themselves that their actions
are justified by an essence that came to them or that they
found, blinded by what they believe to be the truth."
"This is very true," I nodded pleased with this reply,
smiling slightly having heard my thoughts put into
words, "but what is your final question?"
"Do you believe?"
"Believe what," I snapped softly
"That I exist." the voice replyed after a brief pause.
"Ofcourse I believe you exist," now somewhat feeling
insecure of my own sanity for talking to a humoriously-
mysterious voice hiding behind a giant shrub.
"Why, how can you believe that a bush can speak, how
can you believe that I exist as the voice of a plant grown
from soil?" it said, as if it wanted to me to confess to my
disbelief.
"Well, I see your roots, so I know you are compiled
within many of these others elements that build this
garden. I see your vines spread about the garden, running
life through the trees it grows around, and I can feel the
wind you make when your leaves and branches wave about the
air." I explained, somewhat impatient.
"But you cannot see me," the voice insisted, now
growing more personal
"No, I cannot," I admitted, "but it is not site that
causes my insurity. I can see the effects you have on this
garden and I can see the shadows on the ground that you
cast to shade passerbyers from whatever may trouble them."
I continued.
"So your belief in my existance is bassed on faith?"
He questioned.
"Yes, it is."
"You have answered my questions correctly, so you
have earned a site of me." it's voice grew more distored
but remained a calm, comforting, and somewhat seductive
tone. He began to emerge from the leaves and the trunks of
the compiled bush. What began to grow from the bark and
stems I had not prepared myself to see and will not soon,
if ever, forget. How could I? I was shocked, and
perplexed at this undiscrible vision. I stood in awe as it
came forth to make eye contact with me. I was frozen, as
if the heart that once pumped my blood had ripped through
my ribs to look itself and stopped circulating my life
force. It was more than I could ever expect from such a
simple voice in a bush......

chapter2 - candy man
His chocolate covered eyes dripped over a hardcandy face. As soon
as his eyes met mine I felt empty. As though a vacume had been
shoved into my stomache and sucked everything out of me. I was
completly speaches. The horror and unbelievabilty took my sounds
before I could make them.
His chest caved inward while he took hard breaths. The sounds
reminded me of a thousand trains being crushed by a thousand planes.
I took my eyes off of him long enough to glance around the garden.
No one else was looking at him. It worried me. How could they not
see this magnificent thing, this beast of sugar and cookie? Where
they blind? Or was it me? Had I gone mad?
I looked him back over. He seemed to have no skin. The muscles
running up his legs were bleeding red, but the veins and cord that
made up the muscles were candy straws licorish ropes. His long,
ostridge like legs jointed backwards unlike my own, and the right one
seemed to be grotequly longer than the other forcing his hip to cock
downward lower to the left side. Patches of what seemed to be
blooded down cotton candy were packed loosly in the holes like gauze
that had failed to stop the bleeding. His ribs moved in and out
while he took his breathes, and I could hear, as well as see his
heart pumping. What could be discribed as nothing other than gobs or
cookie dough made up patches of skin stretched randomly about his
bones. His eyes were sunken deep into his skull that sat tilted on
his disfigured neck. His sholders slumped down to the right side of
his body causing him to step tward me with a odd limp that appered
painful and I could tell it took him more effort than what he wanted
me to think it took.
He tried smiling at me as he reached is remarkably long fingers
tward my shoulder. But no smile was to come from a mouth of this
nature. Teeth that were sharp and some that were rotting and chipped
a great deal, curving inwards tward the back of his limp jaw. His
lips were not to be found and his bloodied and smooth gums housed his
massive grin. The skin of his face seemed to be streatched backwards
a great deal tward the back of his head and held in place by several
rusted nails driven deep in his skull.
"Smile, and let me see your glow," he spoke as if I was his
child. But I could not smile, I was dumbfounded. His voice was that
of a soft but strong father, deep and loving, but firm and raspy.
This grusom beast could see inside of me, and knew I was afraid, but
wanted me to be in serinity with him. Though his face could not show
it, I knew he was smiling down at me.
I stuttered, "I...I cann.."
"I know," he replyed, "you are somewhat disturbed by my
apperance, but you will soon understand why I am dripping of candy,
sex, and blood."
My brain was burning with a question. Why did he seem so
attractive to me. Why did I want to embrace him, and never leave his
obscure arms? So, I spoke, forcing my words through my gritted
teeth. "Why are you so beautiful?"
His eyelids lowered over his deep and hollowed eyes the glowed
with a dirty lemon yellow and he tilted his head as if to seem
comforted and pleased by this question. "Because, I am inside of
you, and YOU are beautiful."
I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach and tears began to
swell up in my eyes. I looked away and smiled letting out a sighing
chuckle. I knew, whatever this thing was, I loved it, and would
trust it. I could feel it surrounding me now, like a thousand
shadows and the smell of a million dreams. My tears hit the ground
like drops of glass, and shattered around my feet.
"I am the voice and the life of this garden, child. And
everything here I give to the ones on their walks. I am the soil,
the filth, the smell, the sex, the seeds, and the sound of this
place. And when I speak to someone, I have chosen them, but when I
have shown myself to someone, they become a vital part of me. I gave
you that key for a.."
"The key?" I stepped back, "How'd you know of.."
"I gave it to you, the number, is you. This number is the only
one of it's kind and stands alone as a code that represents your
incarnation. It will open things along your walk to find it's
origion. But, that is all I can tell you."
I fingered the key in my pocket and took slid it out and glanced
over the numbers. "57xt474? How is that.." I glanced back up to
find him gone, but I could still hear him breathing.
"You no longer need glare at me, but I will be with you. I
will
speak to you when called apon. But as from here on out, you will
need to seek." His voice rang like a swarm of bees inside my
brain.
My head quickly spun around and the light of the garden was gone.
And in that direction of the feilds I seen a fruiting tree. Tall,
but branched out almost infinatly, all but touching the ground
beneath it. A dry, cracked ground, housing grey, rocks of all sizes
dispersly scattered about. Beneath the tree, I saw what would be the
single most disturbing and precious part of my journy. A single
cradle resting in the darkend shade of the tree. A cradle in the
shadow.

Chapter 3 - Angel Seeds

My eyes tried to focus, but there seem to come a strange haze about
them. Almost as if a fog was setting inside my own vision to
blind me of things that would soon seem trivial. I took a few steps
forward, desperatly trying to blink away the blur that had invaded my
sight. But the closer I got, the more that the cradle stood out as
the only thing I could see. I drew closer, looking around in the new
darkness hoping not to fall. What was drawing me to this cradle was
beyond my knowledge, however I knew that I must approach it, and find
out what was inside. Once under the tree, I seen a spider, dropping
down from it's web. The strips on it's back formed the numbers on
the key, as they were also written in the web. He landed on the back
of my palm and scurried up my arm to my shoulder, found his way under
my collar and I felt a sharp digging pain between my shoulders. I
fell to my knees and screamed so powerfully that my very mind came to
an abrupt halt. But the sound did not carry. It was as if I was in
a glass incasing, and I was the only one who knew I was screaming. I
could feel it, but I could not hear it. It rang in my head like a
faeri sex feind.
I scrambled to my feet as the pain had stopped as quickly as I
had felt it. Again I approached the cradle, now standing only a few
feet away. I let my fingers run along the frame and felt what were
the beginning of splinters that I somehow knew would soon be driven
to deep in my skin to remove with any tool that humans knew of. I
glided my hands over it a few times, testing the structure before
putting both palms down on it and pulling myself to glare into it's
open mouth. A soft purple glow came from it's soft silk inlinement,
and a child, as precious as every shattered desperation of love in my
heart looked up at me with shinning eyes. She smiled comfortably at
my shocked expression.
I felt weightless, I looked around me and my feet were no longer
touching the crackled soil beneth me. Instead, the darkness that
seemed to rise from the cracks carred me lightly above the limits of
it's gravity. I looked back into the cradle, and now, I saw myself
looking down at her from her eyes. I was seeing myself in her eyes.
I saw everything precious inside myself that I had previously taken
for granted. My sins, my tenderness, my hoplessness, my dreams, my
privacy, my regretes, my secrets, my desperation, my love, my glow,
and my joy. The childs hands met mine, and in when I touched them, I
heard the voice.
"This is her. Never again doubt the integrity of emotion."
I didn't have to ask. It was over. Everything was here inside
of this angel. This girl, she knew. And her lies rang of the truth
I already knew. I was so afraid that I could feel my eyes bleeding
the invisble tears of emptyness. I knew it was to late for anything
else exept her. The end of everything I had previously believed
about the elements of my emotions were proved false at the single
moment. She was with me. The purple angel turned her eyes to my
chest and I caved in with a great massive eruption. I paniced and
again uneffectivly tried to scream. When it was over I felt her
inside of me, and I seen myself leave me, and I became part of her
aswell. Would she find me strange if I cried?
I thought on this for a few moments as my lip quivered and my
eyes swoll up and I tried to blink away tears. I was exillerated and
delivered from all things. Good and bad were only words now.
I tried to look back at her but instead I was watching her
dissolve into me. I was afraid at first, but then smiled with the
serinity the moon must feel when he looks down to see the comfort he
brings to the slumbering children. I felt that hole in my spirit
filling, overflowing with the essence of her ora, her smell, her
touch, and her glow. I felt serine, innocent, honest, and kind. But
the seeds that she began to plant into the garden about my feet were
more than that. They would be the structure that the world I would
soon be living in was build around.

(story in progress..tune back in soon for the next chapter)




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