jenabean

Jena's Rants
2001-06-06 15:35:07 (UTC)

Do not eat topical ointments!

I have this strange feeling that something out of the
ordinary is going to happen today. I keep getting visions
of dark ominous rolling clouds, (even with my eyes open),
and I experience this strange tingly feeling throughout my
body followed by a slightly heady euphoria. Perhaps it has
something to do with this cream I put on my hands. I have
been putting my finger in my mouth all day. (Nothing
gross, I just have to do that to show my boss what I would
rather be doing than working here.) Maybe this topical
ointment is causing hallucinations and giving me a "free
trip", so to speak. Geez, I have got to find a way to
package this and market it to underage school children
whose parents work late hours and usually don't even know
where their kids are much less whether or not he/she is
doing drugs. I have a master plan to sell topical
ointments encapsulated in pretty colored gelatin pills, and
perhaps put little cartoon characters on it - perhaps the
Power Puff Girls or The Mighty Morphin Mongoloids, or
Diaphram Dana Dolls, I dunno. Yet, what I do know is that
it will work - and if not I will add bubblegum flavoring
and kids will think it is the new fad. The won't question
a harmless synthetic capsule adorned with their favorite
daytime cartoon hero's that fills their mouth with sugary
sweetness and then causes them to slip off into a wonderful
dream world of childlike imagery and fantasy. Not to
mention the street price of $20 a lid. Of course I will
cut the price for those kids that want to buy quantity, but
I usually don't find those kinds of buyer in elementary
school. I will have to go to a middle school in order to
move that much shit. Then I will have to change my
marketing ploy, I will have to replace the kiddie cartoon
characters for Freddie Prinz Jr., Brittany Spears, and the
Backstreet Boys. And kids now a days are a lot more
sophisticated than those before them. I may have to change
the bubblegum flavor to a Creme de Menthe or a cafe mocha.
Geez, this is starting to sound like more work than it's
worth. If I was going to do this I minus well open up a
fucking candy store, (and it would be legit - well sorta -
nothing is ever completely legit when it comes to me and an
ongoing half ass fucked up idea.)


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