2002-05-11 23:29:45 (UTC)

Running Out of Time

I feel like I'm running out of time. I am more and more
aware that I have limited amount of time left in my life
and there's still so much I want to do! Things get in the
way--the day to day part of life gets in the way--the
humdrum, the chores, the must-do's, the responsibilities
--and as I age it takes me longer to do them. I try very
hard to live in the moment--to concentrate on the task that
I have to do right then and there but it's hard. My mind is
always on the next three or four things I need to get done
and I have trouble focusing on what I'm actually doing in
the here and now.

The things I want to do aren't earth shaking or even
unusual. I don't want to travel to the far reaches of the
world or win the Pulitzer or become famous. I want more
simple things. I want to draw a bird which doesn't look like
a stick caricature but instead to show some sense of the
gracefulness of flight. I want to draw a spray of carnations
in ink and then use watercolors to show their delicacy and
fragility and beauty. I want to learn to play the violin.
Oh yes, especially that one too! I won't be content until I
can play some Mozart that sounds like Mozart. I can always
listen to a Mozart CD but when I do my fingers itch. I want
to make some of that music myself!

Lately I feel like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland,
running down a path,looking at his watch, muttering "It's
late, it's late!" There just isn't enought time!