Amanda
Kaleidoscope
10:53 p.m.
After I signed off around 3:00 last night (this morning) I
curled up in bed with my book (Joy School by Elizabeth
Berg - her words still make me nod, sigh quietly and have
that "I know exactly what you mean" feeling. There is a
kind of reassuring truth in her books that always amazes
me). Feels good to enjoy reading again, and not just for
some assignment. (Happened to enjoy the assigned reading
this semester, but it's much more relaxing to know there
isn't a paper looming after I close the cover.) Anyway,
finally turned off my light around 4:00 a.m. It's so
strange to look out my window and see no other lights down
the street. I can usually find one or two other night
people still up for whatever reason, but apparently I was
the last straggler that time.
Didn't like that feeling of... what? Almost dreading going
to bed for some reason. Sometimes lying in bed is the most
lonely place when I'm missing Jon, especially if we don't
have a goodnight call. Last night I just had this ache in
my bones, and I guess I knew I'd just cry if I went and
stared at my ceiling. So I just put if off until I couldn't
keep my eyes open. Reading helped, because at least I
wasn't entirely "alone" that way... heh. When I finally did
go to sleep, I just conked out completely--don't remember
waking up at all until the morning.
I have been feeling a lot better today, and I'm sure it
helped to keep so busy instead of sitting around and
ruminating. Jodi was here when I woke up, and she asked if
I wanted to volunteer with her for a couple of hours. Ben
was working today, so otherwise she'd be going up by
herself. Thought I might as well--at least I'd get some
fresh air. (Mixed with the invigorating aroma of animal
dung.) Had a surprisingly good time out there. Mike wasn't
around when we first got out there, so we just kicked back
for a while and played with the animals. When he finally
came he gave us a few tasks. We started out by chasing the
emus into the barn for food and water (well, Jodi prodded
them in while I watched the gate). Emus are the strangest
looking creatures. We kept harrassing one of them.. he
stood by the fence and followed our every move, his neck
bending and stretching in ways that shouldn't be possible.
He has funny bald spots on his neck and head. What purpose
in life do emus have, anyway? Odd creatures. Anyway, after
that we raked up old straw in the llama pen and shovelled
out the crap pile. The baby llama was so curious and
followed us around, butting us and sniffing the rake and
shovel. He's so soft. Loves it when we scratch his neck. I
never thought a llama could be cute. He'd better enjoy it
now, because before long he'll turn into the weird-looking
thing that adult llamas are. After that we cleaned out the
old cervil (no idea how the spell that) pen. He's finally
been moved out into a better one, where he can actually
move around more and enjoy being outside. He seems much
more content there. His old pen was... well, quite rank.
heh. We cleaned up all the leaves and twigs and everything,
stopping to dump the mess or anything just to get outside
and clear our heads. That smell is SO potent. Anyway, Mike
was so appreciative. Felt good to be useful.
I have so much to catch up on.. end of the semester.. Jon's
injury (still wishing I could go there and take care of
him).. Mom and Dad's vacation (..why have they not called?
They called the first night, and I got the impression that
they'd be checking in again soon, but they didn't call last
night or tonight.. odd).... but I think I need to go get
something to eat and head to bed. Tomorrow Jodi's picking
me up at noon for Connie's graduation party. I took the
easy way out and bought some cookies to bring. They're
actually pretty tasty. Yes, really, I spent hours in the
kitchen baking them....
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