Pawie

The life of Pawie
2002-05-10 14:50:36 (UTC)

The Guy I was holding on

Today after writing my second entry in the journal... I
felt sad...and cranky and yeah... lonely.

The friend I was telling you about. We met when we were 11.
Sixth grade... because of a project in English class. He
knew my number because of the parents assoc. in our same
section. When classes were suspended because of a storm
during my birthday: he was one of the people who called me
up at eight in the morning to say "Happy Birthday".
Eventually we became real good friends when we were
seatmates. I used to complain to him that I was such a
failure... how my grades are low... I was kinda
depressed... and he would tell me that I am not a failure
and I have to get up and try again... though words cannot
say all that.

During the last month of school, I knew the girl he likes
and he was asking for my help... during the summer-- he
calls everytime... then when school started in Grade 7, he
calls everyday.

Basically he was the perfect guy. He makes you laugh, tells
numerous stories, including how he likes this song that
your other friends don't, he tells girlfriend stories and I
tell my bad taste of crushes, he understands me... really
really well.

When he told me he saw me in a different way more than
friends and he sees me from the inside. -- I overreacted
because nobody saw me like that before. And so I began
telling everybody that he likes me and I liked him because
of that, causing him to get angry at me. But after a
while... we became cool again. Then one day prank calls my
house and I was grumpy them so I shouted at him and banged
the phone and he never spoke to me again.

What is his reason for not speaking to me again was my
bugging me. Its also the reason why I was holding on to a
two year crush/love/infatuation.

last summer before my sophomore year (our school doesn't
have 8th grade) I remembered this conversation with him...

Him: Can you dial this number... when someone answers, hang
up... but if there's none... listen to it.
Me: Sure

Hangs up.. and I dial the number he was telling me. Then a
recording says:

I love you I love you I love you mwah (a fake smack)

Then I was laughing. I thought it was a joke. He calls back
and still I was laughing. "Did you listen to it?" he asked,
I was still laughing. "Yeah". "Are you angry at me?" he
asks. "Why should I be angry at you?" I asked him

I just remembered it one summer night and... i realized
that ... HE LOVED ME. AND I DIDN'T GET IT BECAUSE I THOUGHT
IT WAS A JOKE.

No way. No way.

The first day of Soph. year, i didn't saw him. On the
second day...I learned that... he's gone. He went to the
southern part of the Philippines. Far... far... far. And he
has a 21 year old girlfriend and we are 14.

But even though I realized it... I never typed an e-mail
whatever because I don't want to be called as "cheap". I
still know his e-mail address and I should I e-mail him or
not? i told myself that i should move on... but my mind's
full of what ifs...

Should I hope and wish and pray that one day he'll come
back and say that..."Hello. How are you?"? Or never mind?




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