2002-05-10 06:40:01 (UTC)

Lesson 1

The title is Lesson 1, which means this is the first lesson
I am going to record down. I learn so many lessons in life
but I never remember them when they really matter. So, I am
going to record them down whenever I can and will.

So, I finally receive the result of my local university
application. Lesson not learned: Never rely on just other
people's judgement and opinions. Fuck what they think.

The application was filled by myself, handed in by myself
and I have nobody but myself to blame. What would have
happened had I filled in otherwise, I would never know. I
can just kick myself. But then again, it is like I don't
even care now.

No, I don't regret about the result of my examination. I
don't regret not studying harder. I cannot, not even now. I
can't even bear to think of going through the entire
duration again. Imagine that, I don't regret not studying
harder even though I know I didn't put in enough effort. It
is other people's thinking that always upset me. Oh, I can
chant like a mantra that their crap don't matter to me. I
can have it drilled into my head but it doesn't work. I
just cannot help it.

I started a log book. Thanks Ben/Shevann for the idea.
Wonder how long it will last. Wonder if it is just another
waste of exercise book.