2002-05-09 23:05:04 (UTC)

My brain hurts

God, there is so much going on all at once. I really can't
handle it alone. But I have to. No one is going to help me.
I have to be a "big girl" and do things on my own, and for
once I really don't want to.
Boys suck, but so do girls. I'm so sad to be leaving, but
relieved to be leaving certain stresses behind. My feet
hurt. My back hurts. My neck hurts. But worst of all, my
heart hurts. Things just seem to be continually going down
hill. For everything good thing that is happening, there
are 2 really bad things. For every smile there are hundreds
of tears. It's not fair. I need more time. I need more
guts. More control and further thought process. I don't
think things through. They just happen. Nothing can be
stopped or controlled.
I want to cry, but I'm not sure why. I think confusion is a
good enough reason. But I don't want people to think
anything is wrong, so I wait until it's dark. But that
won't safice. I believe in angels deeply. But right now I
feel all alone. Where are my angels? What, are they on
vacation or something? I know it is a stressful job and
all, but that isn't fair. Come back. Please. No one on
earth is helping me. Maybe it is a trial of my strength.
Yet right now I feel so powerless. Nothing I do is right.
Nothing I feel is right either.
No one cares. They're all too busy with their own
schedules. I have to go. I need to think. Bye