lilith.

dedoubledidentifiedschizophrenia~
2001-06-05 18:26:16 (UTC)

fark.

i was suppose to log off but when i reread my previous
instalment, i thought about all the things that are
bothering me just now.
honestly, i was thinking of running away just now but dis
country is too small for me to run and hide.. besides im
not all dat prepared.. its true.. easier said den done.

im online with d rite now.. and im going abt my probs about
what 4th aunt and 1st and 6th aunt said dis evening...
i hate it. wheres nenek? i noe dat if nenek was here..i dun
have to worry abt anything..
last time, no one dared to lay a finger on me.. now
everyone directing my life story.. wheres de fairness to
dat..
im sixteen for god's sake!!! why am i bothered by all des
problems!@!!!!

i wanna run away but dats stupid. everyone noes dat. where
am i to go? i wanna study.. do well get scholarship to go
abroad.. start everything a new.. afterall im known to run
away to escape from matters i cant solve... id be far away
from my family. that would be my priority... but dats also
shit.. i wanna die.. dat day i went to the kitchen window
and looked down.. i got so scared. no.. its just to scary..
what if i dont die.. i will turn vegetable and only cause
people more trouble... wrist cutting is painful..trust me..
then i tried dat pills thingy and realised dat aftre some
time the bad effects hurts hell..

i look back at all this and i think oh my god im turning
out to be another XXXXXX!!!! no. i shant. oh hell..
hell damned hell...

i cant talk to people.. others have their problems too
y'noe.. u cant be self centerd and take all the attention
for urself.. life doesnt work like dat.. u have to give
and u have to take. ive been taking and taking and taking.
i should shoot myslef and simply perish.

ahh.. my talking is simply alike of the gibberish monkeys.
WHAT DE HELL!!!!!!!
fuck me.
yea.
me.
fuck me.

expect another instalment later..
trust me.




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