lilith.

sighs...

i noe im suppose to be studying rite dis moment but i juz
cant concentrate on my studies.. i noe dis year is crucial
but it seems dat lately ive been boggled wif so many
problems.. things dat i noe i should not bother about.. but
dis distractions are getting to me..and im just so fed up
dat i cant or rather dont have the control to stop all des
thingy been goin on.. but really, even if i did have the
control, i wouldnt. im not making sense. oh hell, since
when does de world make sense anyway...

of all the years to get into a relationship.. why do i have
to be in one in my senior year? but den again i have loved
d since like forever and now dat we're finally together
everything should be bliss but its not.. as much as i would
like to pretend dat it is all picture perfect and rosy...
i juz love d so much dat it hurts.. i look into de mirror
and see dis possesive control freak who just think of
herself.. i noe i should let d go .. for now... but then i
think again.. after dis period of time.. d's goin away..den
what happens? im just trying to make the best out of the
short time that we have left.. deep in me im still denying
the fact dat d is going away... i dont noe.. maybe i will
forever be in denial.... like when g'ma passed away, i
refused to believe.. till today.. i refuse to acknowledge
it.. is it gonna be the same for d and me?
poeple always say dat if u really love something,u should
let em go... if dey come back to you, then its meant to
be.. if not.. too bad.. should i take the rtisk , i mean
should i start to accept the fact that whether i liek it or
not, im gonna have to take dis risk..

god, help me. love hurts. and im choosing to hurt so bad.
- me.