Shantie

Finding my Light
2002-05-08 04:20:58 (UTC)

Confusion

It's strange how life can throw something so great into
your life and yet it is something you fear a great deal.
Even though I don't want to risk on this person reading
this, I have to let my emotions known. I guess this is my
link to others without really knowing it.
You see not too long ago some gave me some information
that normally would make me so very happy, but the main
emotion I've been feeling is fear. Fear that the way I act
with the guys in my life will be altered.
I care about this person very much though I have no
good reason for doing so. In fact in all realilty I
shouldn't at all. At least I normally wouldn't. Even the
guys I know you say they care about me so-o much, I
wouldn't trust at all. I don't understand why my emotions
chose him of all people to be the one to capture my
intrest.
Guys like him I would use to my advantage and break
them down so well that their every flaw would show like a
large beaken (spelling). All my friends saw to just see
what happens and I am doing that, but still I fear that
what if something happens. Like what if we get together?
I don't know if I would want that because I know we would
do very well together and maybe a little too well.
But, then, what if our friendship builds to a very
stronge foundation? I think I would like that so very
much. I would love to love him as a friend first, but I'm
not going to think about it anymore. Whatever happens,
happens and that is it. Right now all I hope for is a
build a stronger friendship. I left a best guy friend so
his girl-friend would stop bitching at him about being such
close friends with me. Maybe God has sent me another
person to become my new best guy friend. Lord knows how
much I've been needing another guy in my life.