Amnesia

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2002-05-08 03:08:50 (UTC)

May 7th, 2002...8:59

Well, I really don't feel like writing.

Although I am most enchanted. I have just finished reading
the hobbit, and I must say that it is the most splendid
book. (ofcourse no where near the quality of the lord of
the rings, but still real cool.) The only thing I didn't
really like was how J.R.R. Tolkien depicted dragons. They
aren't bad at all. They are not overcome with greed and sit
on stolen treasure, in a stolen house the whole time. They
are kind noble creatures. I know from those dragon websites
that I go on sometimes. Really, if some people have actual
mental contact with them, and have them as friends, then
they can't be bad at all.

But anyway...
I didn't really feel like writing today. I just wanted to
do something after finishing that book, and I didn't know
what. Actually I did. I just wasn't sure if I had the best
conditions for it, or if my want for doing this has flown
away or what. I thought that I might be forcing creativity
be upon me once again.

It has struck me at about 11:00 a.m. I started doodaling a
fairy like creature during the end of French, when we were
doing some book excericises and as usual we had over enough
time to complete the assignment. It first started out with
eyes. (The type of eyes I always do.) Then I came out with
a fair face. So I completed the body, hair and the other
body parts till the end of the small page. I had a blue
highlighter, a baby blue pen, and I was writing with a dark
blue pen for the outlines. So with that I colored different
parts of the picture. I must say it was quite a nice
doodle. It was a woman. An elf actually. (Inspired cause of
my merry/gay elvish-like mood. When I looked at her, the
first name that popped into my head was "Lima." So that is
what I called her. "The Ancient Prophet Lima, Godess of the
Blue light." How's that for a title? I know she never
existed, but it's my story and I can do whatever I want
with it. Besides, I'm trying to expand my horizon
(imagination,) so that the story will be better, since some
of these creatures, like Lima, were never to be heard of.

Well after that, I did feel like an elf. I went to Dunkin
Donuts with the two Alina's. It was kinda breezey and all
we had were blouses. I was so happy about my whole creating
a story about elves idea, that I was in a jolly mood and
didn't care what anyone thought. So I had alot of energy. I
told my friends to hop around if they are cold. So the
blond Alina and I started skipping. This seemed to the both
of us as though we were cute little school girls that are
always anxious to go to school. (I think she looked the
description perfectly, since she had the look of a
steorotypical blond, little Christian girl. The way she
held her books helped me see that much.) We both warmed up
a little, but we were laughing a lot.
Later on we started running because it was cold. Over grass
and by trees, in laughter, with myrth and song. We were in
high spirits for sure. Once we crossed the street in a run
I started slowing my pace and altogether stopped. My feet
haven't been keeping up with me. I thought then that I'm
not much of the elven kind anyway because of that. I did
much talking when we arrived, although what I really wanted
to do at the time was to either run around the trees with
my friends like an elf, (just like we had done before,) or
keep on about Lima, and the other characters I'm gonna put
in the big book of those elven adventures in normal life.

I started on describing Lima in rhyme during 7th. Though I
had little time. The bell soon rang and I had to sprint for
the steps so that I can make it to my locker and to my 8th
period in time.

Here is the idea I tend to talk so plainly about:
I'm gonna write a book. From the point of view of an elf. I
don't know how old he will be yet, but around my age for
sure. Living in an enchanted land. He will be no one
special. Yet being an elf itself is a blessing. Which one
of the many points to be gained by the reader will be to
never think of yourself as oridinary. Every human is a
magnificent specimen.

I don't think that the most of it will be online though. I
will keep some of the enteries, and practically do all my
writing on this site, but the breain storming will be done
somewhere else. Most likely on plain paper. For the actual
story, I wanna put in some pictures. Such as this that I
have drawn of Lima. To make them look authentic I will try
to doodle on some special piece of paper. Like the one I
doodled Lima on. The main point of their authenticity is
that they will be drawn on badly measured peices of paper.
(Mainly cause I don't know how to measure how big my
picture will be. When I do do that, then it doesn't come
out good.) So if only a piece of head will be glued in with
the top of the head cut off, and 1/4th of the face gone, it
will be for that reason. Besides, things have to stay
proportional.

I gotta plan out my characters, the setting, relationships
of characters, their histories/backgrounds, and if there
will be an adventure in this story at all. I think the main
characters true love will be Sonara. That's what my mind is
poking to now. I think it might have been an imitation of
Sionara. Well we'll see how all goes.

On a different topic, I must say I'm greatly pleased that I
have met Teresa. Not only because she had turned out to be
the only person that I can depend on, trust in full, lean
on when I'm not strong, help, talk to, and many other
numerous things. But also gain inpiration from. She used to
tell me how writing helps her express herself. Tell someone
feelings which were in her for years or just seconds. As
though it were the only person she could trust. I'm glad
writing has helped her so much, for it is truly helping me
much.

My experiances in writing haven't been all too good. Every
time I write something that is suppose to be hidden from
everyone and secret, with my deepest and most dark emotions
deeply written out, they get found out about, and many
people know about it. Some of these memories, though they
are of useless importance, have helped in loosing the trust
of a good friend, have caused rage, insecurity,
emabarrasment, and the worst thing of all, the fear of my
own opinion/expression.

I am finally now realizing how tremendously greatful I am
for Teresa being my best friend. And for her telling me
about this site. I've noticed that I don't like to write.
Physically that is. It's tiring. When I used to write alot
in 4th grade my middle finger would get emensely hard, and
my thumb and index finger seemed to grow old in age with
the constant force put upon them.

I loved to write. About anything that I had an opinion on.
Or could make a clear statement about. I loved to study, as
long as I had the kind of teacher that made you want to
learn, had you do alot of work, and just altogether
influenced you greatly. (That was Mrs. Olszewska to me.)
She opened my mind to the world and to everyone else.
Mentally, I can write all day and all night. Write down all
my thoughts, emotions and just anything. I like to go into
great description (and I like to read such things.) I like
to write down a lot. Mainly when my brain is empty and has
nothing to write about.
THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT WRITING.
I LOVE HOW IT LETS ME BE ME. HOW IT SHOWS ME WHAT I TRULY
AM.
And that my friends is what I have been searching for!

So in the end, I'm glad at times, that I go off topic. That
I ponder on in pointless description constantly. Because
afterwards, even though my arms hurt like hell, I am
myself. For I have been one on one with my mind, and it was
a wonderful conversation. I guess in a way, writing for me,
is kinda like meditation. Pherhaps it helps me focus.
Pherhaps on myself. How I see myself, and how I feel about
that. Then it is that I truly see me, and create a shiel of
which I was unaware of before, to all the ignorance in the
every day world.

Thank the godess Athena for her wisdom, thank all the gods
and godesses. Thank Karma, and ofcourse, my true best
friend and sister. TERESA. I love that chick. She's
amazing. Thank you for giving me the best gift of all. The
gift of being myself. Hopefully, all in good time, we will
be free as well. And when that day comes, I will finally
breathe. Because I can. WE CAN!!!

With hope and inspiration,
-Amnesia


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