Zoryanna

Zoryanna's Life
2002-05-07 12:38:40 (UTC)

The best laid plans of mice and men...

Who was it that said that? Robert Burns? How true how
true. Lately nothing I had planned seems to be going
according to plan.

So, my radio goes off this morning to wake me up and guess
what song comes on? Yup! THE SONG! And the sad thing is
that I recognize it from the first note. But then again,
that's always been me. So, I try to hate the song, but I
can't do it. Its too good. Its like one of those things I
look forward to hearing because it does bring back those
memories. Its like a part of me enjoys the pain...relishes
in it...it makes me more dramatic and makes my life more
interesting. This will all make a good story someday.
Hell, it makes a good story now, thus the egocentric person
in me is writing all this here hoping someone will read it
and know what the hell I'm talking about. But I also have
to admit that the memories didn't hurt as much this time
around. So, maybe I'm slowly getting over it. LOL! It
only took me a week. I hope all heartache I face in the
future is the same way...it only takes a week to recover.

So one of the things I discussed over the weekend
was "picking up" a guy at the conference. Annie is dead
set on using the same pickup line from two years ago
thinking it would work better here which makes sense I
guess. A part of me hopes somehow he ends up there, just
in time to see me looking amazing and with someone else. I
never did meet his psychotic mother...I wonder what she
would think or what her role in all of this was to begin
with. It makes no sense that he said he would call and
then not call. Ok, so I told him not to call last
Wednesday...I needed to gather my thoughts. But he never
returned my email or called again afterwards. Whatever,
his loss! I'm convinced of that now.

You know, for some reason in the past two days I've been
thinking a lot about my grandfather. I know he's gone and
he always lived so far away when he was alive, but I always
felt this bond to him and I still do. I don't know. Its
as if he feels my pain from wherever he is and that's hard
for me to say since I'm not a big believer in heaven, hell,
or even god right now. Not in the typical sense anyway.
But I think he's out there somewhere and he's watching over
me and helping me get through one of the biggest
disapointments in my life. Its probably not true, but I
like thinking that. It gives me comfort.

So, last night I hung out with the gang from work. Not too
bad though they really aren't the type of friends I would
pick to hang out with. J was telling me about his ex and
how she called 18 times on Saturday. 18!! The girls a
fucking psycho, but then again he attracts those types all
the time. And I though to myself, hell, I didn't even call
B once. Not ONCE! I guess I have my pride but I wonder if
that works for me or against me. I know I couldn't be the
type of girl to keep calling him, knowing he's hanging out
with his friends and laughing at my insanity. That's what
we do with J so why wouldn't B do the same thing? So, I'm
glad I'm not one of those psycho type stalker girls.

So, the minutes, hours, days, weeks, seem to be going by
pretty fast which I guess is a good thing. I'm looking
forward to 4th of July weekend for the conference and then
graduation! Free at last! But then all the real problems
kick in! I've gotta find a real job and get my life in
order. UGH! Being an adult is no fun at all. What I
wouldn't give to be 5 years old and watching Sesame Street
right now!! :-)

Later...




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