ramblings from a 'hollie'
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2002-05-07 02:27:30 (UTC)

mucho gust mi llamo bradley

My "boyfriend" came by last night after we talked on the
phone trying to 'really break up this time'. He took me
out to Gusto. Mucho Gusto Mi llamo Bradley..... Anyway,
we dont tell eachother how we feel, I know now, but we
simply cant admit. So we go back to J's and our friends
show up...acting like they caught us humping on the couch
or something. Its funny to me. So they leave and I fell
over that fine line I was trying to NOT cross. And I wont
say the word, yea, have it manifest and bite me in the ass
in a week. I think about him way to much. We are going
out again to nite after I get off work. Goin to Uni-Qlo
and probably out to grub. Dave came over last night while he was
working. At first he just came in to see me and say hi to J. Then
he showed up really early in the morning, came in my room and watched
me sleep. I open my eyes to see him smilng at me. And thats when I
honestly fell. When he left I cried because I knew he was honestly
the best part of my life. I like it when he just holds me and my
face is right next to his. Its a good fit. His cop gear is just
sexy. All hard and all these cool things on his belt that just make
him look badass......Then.....he told me he was pretty sure
after he goes back home that we wouldnt be anymore but that
he is afraid to lose me as a friend. And I have no problem
just being his buddie ya know....its just that he is always
taking it beyond friendship. And everyone knows whats
really going on....they arent stupid but we are blind. We
get treated like outkasts now. We dont fit in because we
broke the sacred hang out and drink beer rule they have for
us 'hollies'. I dont want a relationship but here I go
blind and head first into the most dangerous relationship
ever. The married man.