Steva's Life
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2002-05-07 01:28:34 (UTC)

Bright Light

Ok, Well I had forgoten how hard it was to take care of a
baby, So now i'm taking care of my baby nefuew and its a
Ton of work.

I was thinking today. Do any of the people i know Lie to
me just to make me happy? If they do it would make me
happy just to have who ever it is tell the truth becuase
it would make me much happyer to hear the truth not the
lies because i feel that my life is one big lie, I never
Know weather i'm worth anything or if i'm worthless, I
feel that alot of people just use me? Or if people Just
do it for the fun of it?

I don't understand anything anymore, I think the reasion
i'm thinking this is because i'm so Miserable from being
in NH because its getting to me so much, I really can't
take it, jeff is promiseing me that he'll Come see me on
the weekend But i know he won't becuase he'll be to bussy,
Witch will be fine. I'll get over it, i do get to live
with him this fall....

I've been putting alot of thought in to this, If i don't
get in to the theater i've been thinking about going to NY
early and then come back before the trip to maine but i'm
just not sure, I am doing alot of stuff For mom and
getting paid for it, So that's why i don't want to get an
actual job like at the inn because i'll be making a ton
more then i'd make at the inn.

About the inn, If i were to make the choice to go back
and work for them, they want me to work Tuesday's and
Wed's. But right now, Is the worst time for those days,
Yes i would be makeing like 9 dollors a night but that's
like 18 dollors a week, I'd Rather make the money with
mom because i'd make that in like 2 mins. Not a night.
So i'm just sitting here wondering what to do.

I'm also worrying all about the move to NY, And if we'll
have enough room and all that fun stuff, I don't know why
its bothering me but i is,... i don't know.

Well i'm off

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