Jammes14

Mercury
2002-05-06 22:47:58 (UTC)

skipped a beat

i thinki haven't actually pass the dip. apparently im in
the roughs, either just getting started or just ending. im
pretty sure that by the 2 next dips, id have committed
suicide if i don't change. repression is still a good
strategy compared to none at all. hopefully i don't slip
until i move out, then i can get help on my own. isolation
is one of the few concepts that makes me truly happy, along
with suicide. im not quite coping with guilt as well as i
planned to, but i think that techniques portrayed in lain
will help. i guess its basically denial, but it goes very
deep. i think music will play a huge part, it always has.
self mutilation will soon be important, too. i think ill
stick with burning, the fundamentals are just right. but
im still striving for isolation. from there, i might still
communicate, but on very very low levels. i might then be
able to focus on an art of some sort if my guilt trips
start to heal. but ill still continue to tell no one i
know and focus on repression. i live sadly. i hate pity




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