ThatMaskedMan

Not applicable
2002-05-06 20:16:15 (UTC)

May 6, 2002

There's going to be two entries today, just so you all
know. Here's the first.

So life post-classes is excellent. This doesn't mean
that I don't have to go to school. On the contrary, I have
to attend the AP classes until I take the respective exam.
That still doesn't dimish the pleasure of arriving at
school a full half-hour later than normal and being able to
leave at noon. That was today's classes, and as I sit here
typing I feel the gentle, cool breeze caress my skin as it
wafts through the open window. The weather is gorgeous
today, but I see a long, low cloud layer moving in, so I
expect rain sometime soon...Woo hoo! =)

Man, I've got one hell of a headache...so I'm either
hungry or tired. Perhaps I'll just get a bite to eat and
catch a nap after I write this.

I was really amazed after I talked to Michelle last
night. She really has changed a lot since I last talked to
her. It's like she finds herself now just having to grow
up and actually acknowledge and deal all the pressures
associated with it. We talked for an hour-and-an-half, but
it was a dense one at that. I don't intend to repeat what
was said for the sake of her privacy (and frankly because
this headache is obscuring my memory), but I do feel bad
for her in that respect.

I'll tell you this: her family is extremely supportive of
her, and she keeps in close contact with her extended
family. As such, she is never lacking in filial support,
but she relies too heavily upon it. Personally, I think
that could easily take care of herself, but lacks the
knowledge thereof. She is too afraid of making mistakes,
as we all tend to be.

Which gets me thinking about our insecurities. It's so
odd that instead of being taught to disregard our
insecurities and be comfortable with what we are given, we
are instead taught to nurture these insecurities. I'm not
saying that your parents go out and directly criticize and
subvert you (well, maybe they do...), but I think it's more
a function of our society. We are locked in a state of
perpetual competition, selfishly disregarding the needs and
feelings of others. Why are we so cruel to each other?
There is but one lifetime that we have on this earth, so
why make everyone else's life miserable while only helping
our own? Is it only possible to make someone else feel
good when it makes you feel good? Can I deny my pompous
nature for the nanosecond required to share heaven with the
next person?

I hate seeing insecurity in other people. It's just so
depressing. They say never to believe your own press (as
in what others say of you), but then whom do you believe?
The silvered glass reflects only light, not alpha waves.
How do we learn to hate ourselves so? How do we get so
lost? Recall that we acknowledge the misery more than the
happiness. We are so blinded by hate, the white light that
scorches to the soul, and oblivious of good, the black that
flows unseen. How strange that I choose white as a symbol
of evil and black for good...Evil does not exist so that
good may flow from it, nor vice versa. Evil is what we
call our victimization by another's selfishness, and good
is what we call the benefits we receive from it. How is it
possible to rise above our pettiness if it is such a primal
instinct?


“ ‘It is impossible to found a civilization on fear and
hatred and cruelty. It would never endure,’ [persisted
Winston.]
‘Why not?’ [retorted O’Brien]
‘It would have no vitality. It would
disintegrate. It would commit suicide.’
‘Nonsense. You are under the impression that
hatred is more exhausting than love. Why should it be?
And if it were, what difference would that make? Suppose
that we choose to wear ourselves out faster. Suppose that
we quicken the tempo of human life till men are senile at
thirty. Still what difference would it make?’ ”
- from "1984" by George Orwell

“Paul, fidgeting silently on the bench, tried to put
himself in Shepherd’s place. Shepherd had lost a round,
and now, grimly respectful of the mechanics of the
competitive system, he wanted to pay the forfeit for losing
and get on to the next episode, which he was, as always,
determined to win. It was a hard world he lived in, but he
wouldn’t have it any other way. God knows why.”
- from "Player Piano" by Kurt Vonnegut


To my own question I have no answer.


"DRUMMOND: The man who has everything figured out is
probably a fool. College examinations notwithstanding, it
takes a very smart fella to say, 'I don't know the answer!'"
- from "Inherit the Wind" by Robert E. Lee and Jerome
Lawrence

Don't tell me I'm smart.

-Ricardo-




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