Bitch & Moan
Well, vacation went about as smooth as a New York city
road. The girls had a great time ~ and so did I between the
crying shit. I really thought that going out there that I
would be able to just hang out with Mr. B ~ just be "good"
friends...all the way until the point that he touched me.
He just made me fall apart. It was so "real" being in his
Mom's house, everyone acting like we had never been
divorced. And Mr. B playing me like his fiddle. When he
needed to hear me cry, he would just strum my emotions, and
I would fall out. I feel like a fool for letting him do it
to me. He just plays me so fucking hard. What the hell
can I do to stop him??? I just want to be over him and
move on with my life. I don't want to think about him. I
don't want him using me as his ego boost. I am tired of
doing that for him. How the hell do you get over
someone?? I have never loved anyone like this before. I
guess what I really need to do is to meet someone that I
feel the fire for....I don't know. I don't want anyone
else, I don't want the one I have, I just want Mr.
B...SICK! So, now it is Monday morning, and I have to get
to work. I am so tired from not getting enough sleep &
have my emotions played with for 4 days...I need strength.
I pray everyday ~ but nothing gets better....Maybe I am on
some kind of spiritual punishment...I don't think I will
ever be happy again.