gigglingurly04

the life of me
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2002-05-06 03:42:39 (UTC)

may 5, 2002


it's really over. he did it last night. russy's got a
girlfriend and i feel like the biggest pile of shit in the
world. i wanna cry, i wanna run away, i just wanna escape
the pain of this knife in my chest. my heart is in a
million pieces and i can't even find one big enough to pick
up. it hurts so bad. i've never felt as alone as i feel
right now. no one to talk to, no where go, no friend to
call. cuz the friend i always call is friend who caused the
pain. i thought that if i just waited long enough that
maybe it'd be ok... maybe it'd happen. but now it's over.
it'll never happen. i'm a loser. "the worst thing a guy can
do is let a girl fall in love when he doesn't inted to
catch her fall." i got that quote from my friend lauryn. it
sounds me, huh?!? yea well... i've fallen... and i
deffinitly can't get up. i've tried. life isn't good
anymore. maybe i'm just being mellowdramatic. but i truely
feel adandoned. on my own. like the song in les
miserables. "without him him the world around me changes.
the trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of
strangers... without me his world will go on turning. a
world that's full of happiness that i have never known... i
love him, but only on my own." so for now i'm on my own.
who knows... maybe forever. but i love him still. i can't
help it. i just do. it's who i am... it's who he is... and
he's with her. a girl i don't even know. but still i wait,
and i say there's a way for us. but not today, not now....


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