Sara

Life of a Ranger
2002-05-06 02:49:49 (UTC)

Word

Okay so I definately almost was very late to work today. I
set two alarms...one for 9:40am and the other for
9:50am...I woke up when the first one went off...and went
back to sleep b/c Lord knows I need those 10 extra
minutes. Now in those 10 minutes I had a strange ass
dream...and in that dream an alarm was going off...so I
turned it off...and you guessed it...I turned off my real
alarm. So then I wake up at 10:12am...this is the time I
usually leave around...was real quick about getting ready
(17 minutes flat) and made it to work on time...thank God
I showered the nite before. So then I get to work...and
in talking to another girl...find that my manager is a
lesbian...I had inklings about it before but now its a
definate. And before I go any further...lets explain my
feelings on this. First of all, I am not a homophobe. I
hate that, any time you say I don't agree with that
lifesyle ur suddenly dubbed a homophobe...thats bullshit.
I don't give a fuck...if that's the way you wanna live,
who am I to judge...but I don't want to see it...the same
way I don't want to see a "normal" couple all over each
other. And I don't suddenly think a lesbian is lookin at
me...in "that way" just because she likes girls...but I
have to say it makes me a little squeamish...to think what
if...so regardless that's it.
And also...on another topic...my birthday is in 4
days...but I've already discussed this in a previous entry.
Now as promised...the Darcio issue...as I intend to keep
everyone updated.

Like I wrote before...he doesn't know when he's coming
back now. So that leaves me in a tough spot..I have 3
options at this point: a)say fuck him and move on (not
likely as I don't want to move on), b) do my own thing,
wait for him to come back before I get involved with
anyone...keep things with others casual, c)keep my cool
and wait...as I've been doing so far. My choices really
are the latter 2, and I'm thinking to myself...I really
have no desire as of yet to even try to do anything with
anyone else right now anyways. Not that I'm going to
necessarily turn someone down...but I'm not going to get
serious with anyone right now...I have my boys at CVS to
keep me company and make me feel like a playa...so I think
I'll go with option c).

I really amaze myself...I am not a patient person...but
for some reason with this I am...maybe because I know what
I want..and I know I won't get it if I go nuts.

Oh and I don't remember if I said this before...but the
plan of action is no contact until he comes back. He is
supposed to call me for my birthday...so sure I'll talk to
him...but besides that...no emails, no letters, no
NOTHING. I did a little manipulative thing earlier...I
sent him a pic of the two of us with a note that
said...things now are shitty...hope we can get back to
these times. Hehe...I thought I was doign something good
by pluggin for myself...then I realized...if both of us
(me and the other girl) are pluggin for ourselves...then
he can play us...take his time being confused...but if I
start to drift...don't contact him, etc...then I'm not
easy anymore...and he'll realize..hey where's Sara...and
hopefully return...just like a dog that feels
neglected...they always try the one neglecting them for
attention first. Oh well. Peace.




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