Goodbye again Michelle, with extrordinary visit by a sparrow.
Michelle and I parted again, though still in contact. Her
whole family knows about me now. Her life will certaintly
change from here on out. As I described to her in an
email, “she has now left the calm eye of the storm,
knowingly heading into the wrath of the storm’s worst, in
order to find fairer lands she now know is there.” In
other words, she not only told “him” (her husband who spent
these ten years of their life disrespecting her and
ignoring their children now 7 and 4 yrs. Old) that she does
not love him, and that she is in and loves me, for half a
day packed her bags and left, upon which he called her mom
with lies that “she abandon her children for some guy that
is taking her for a ride.” But she is for the first time
in her 32 years, starting to live life for herself, not
everyone else. However all her family, all her friends and
all her acquantinces will now know her skeleton-in-the-
closet of cheating on “him”. As with all gossip, they will
only hear it as “the cheating mother and wife”, not “the
woman who mistakingly found, experienced and felt love for
the first time in her life, after growing up in a non-
loving family, niavly marrying a non-loving man, and by
default surrounding herself with needy people who sunction
up to her incredibly strong will, leadership abilities,
loyalty to elping others and ability to charm. The shallow
contept of the “betrayed leeches in her life” is the wrath
she now faces.
As we were finishing our last conversation, something so
out of the ordinary happened:
Michelle and I know that right now, we must part ways: her
family situation and my bizarre personal challenges make it
not possible. We worked out that if we go separate ways
and realize it as a mistake, we can ALWAYS come back
together again. For some reason, this was news to her.
Very relieving news. I also explained as I realized, I
can’t decide to or not to marry anyone right now – the
muscular, brain and career problems come first.
Fortunately the first two are seeing tremendous progress
quickly and hopefully this will give fortune to the third.
As we were wrapping up the conversation, I heard a bang and
saw a flash out of the corner of my eye, at the window a
few feet away, in my apartment. A sparrow had flown
directly into the screen, bent the frame and flew into the
room! It fluttered around some, then proceeded to slam
itself against the window to get out. After I returnd to
the phone and explained this to her, Michelle calmly
said “it will kill itself if you don’t free it.” (or
something like that). I grabbed the screen by the handle
the sparrow had created by bending about 8 inches long of a
side, pulled the screen inward, further bending the frame.
I looked to see where the bird was, and listened but heard
nothing. It must of flown out the instant I pulled the
screen back, but I did not see it go.
I then shut the window because a large swarm of bees had
been outside the window all day knocking against the glass,
and would enter the room without a screen.
After I explained this to Michelle, I stated “I don’t know
what that symbolizes…” as a half joke. She replied “well
if you did know, what would it be?” In a stream of
consciousness, without even thinking about it, I blurted
out how: the sparrow symbolized Michelle entering my life,
rupturing the screen I protect myself against the world,
and love with. To let the sparrow survive, I had to
completely remove the screen, knowingly damaging it – to
let Michelle survive I had to let her go too. However,
with an open heart and open wounds, I am vulnerable to
the “bees” of life, so I am now closing the window to the
world and quickly fixing the screen AND reinstalling it
properly. (hopefully where I may protect myself
against “the bees”, but now know what love is and will soon
walk out the front door, bees and all, to rediscover Love
in it’s natural setting (outside), and to live life more
fully, enabled with the priceless gift she gave me in the
short period we touched – to know what love really is.
Adding to this, I first tried to just jam the frame back
into the window and it fell out and down one story to the
ground. So…I had to “go out into the world” to get it and
straighten it, before properly setting it back into place.