Sammy's Secrets
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2001-06-03 21:18:59 (UTC)

Day one

Depression is not really fun. Everytime I talk someone
gets mad at me, and right now I could really live without
that. My best friends aren't supporting me, which I really
don't blame them cuz what I'm doing is not really very
mature.... not a mature choice for them, but they don't
understand how my heart works... and the only thing I can
do now is follow my heart, and that's exactly what I'm
going to do. Well here's what happened in case anyone's
wondering. It was Tuesday nite, and I missed James, I
guess there really wasn't a purpose or anything, I just
needed to see him. So I decided to go out at like 12:30 at
nite and meet him. At least I know he loves me enough to
care enough that I'm safe and he TRIED to come and get me.
Well that little thing called the law got in my way. Yea
my bad... i forgot I'm only 15 and I'm not allowed out
after 11 on weekdays. Opps. So the police caught me, and
well I kinda told them I was 16 and I was jogging and that
i jogged all the time that late at nite... well when they
told me to get in the car and I didn't exactly tell them
the rite address I kinda had a problem. So basically i
spilled my guts... yea and that got me really far... they
went home to talk to my parents... just great right? yea i
think not... SO now I'm grounded or whatever, I'm never
allowed to see James again (funny) So the next day I went
to school in tears.. it was awful, I called James from
school crying and told him I couldn't stay there and that
he needed to come and get me soo.... he did. Well I feel
really bad cuz his uncle had just died, and he was prolly
upset about that. When we got to his house like 2 hours
later everyone was home, and his mom and step dad were
packing to go to NYC. The phone rang and it was my mom,
and I guess he panicked cuz he told them I was there, and
they decided to be the nice parents that they are and come
get me. Yea I couldnt really get in much more trouble, so
they didnt really do anything. So i stayed home the rest
of the day and alternated crying my eyes out with
sleeping. I couldnt eat anything for 3 days after... I
just threw it all up. and now, I'm just completely
depressed, my parents are like bribing me or something. I
want out of this house, but I'm not quite sure how to do
that. Yea I was planning on moving in with James if that's
okay with his mom and step dad, but I'm not quite sure how
the law handles that kinda stuff, and what my parents could
do about it. Now I'm really confused as to what I'm
suppose to be thinking, cuz I know I want out, but the
details are overwhelming me, and absolutely noone else
understand enough of what is going on to provide any type
of information. So basically I'm screwed until I get some
answers. The answers dont look like there coming and
nobody else has even been through a similiar situation to
even have a clue as to what I can and can't do. and i dont
even know what to bring if I did leave. I want to soo
bad.. but then there's questions like... what about my
braces how am i gonna get them off in time, and im afraid
if i tell him to wait until i get them off which is like in
august he wont be willing to wait that long... then where
am i getting money to support myself.. his mom is certainly
not going to throw money at me and tell me to do
whatever... then i have to think about school.. if I leave
I'll most likely never get to see any of my family ever
again except maybe my little brother. All the stuff I'm
giving up... IT's soo confusing... and people wonder why I
don't talk, i got to much on my mind to talk... hope ur
life's better than mine... Love Sammy