Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
Ad 2: - Modern SaaS monitoring for your servers, cloud and services
2002-05-05 19:30:45 (UTC)

'Im sinking slowly, so hurry hold me...

... youre hand is all i have to keep me hanging on....'

Okay, there is some preppiness to me. Lol. I like
Michelle Branch. But thats the beauty of being me. Alot
of the problem with people is they like to point fingers,
heck I do it too. But if i I havent noticed by now that
there isnt a propar way to classify people, and that not
everyone is classifiable, then Im just as damned as
everyone else.

I think we all have some deal of preppiness, freak, dork,
geek and whatever other classification in us. Its just a
matter of what we decide to be. I think we really
underestimate the power of the human brain. We can train
it to be whatever we want it to be. Isnt that amazing? We
have the power to decide what we want to be. We choose to
be happy or sad, we have the power to change ourselves, and
the people around us, if were not afraid enough to take a
stand. We decide to be cold-hearted, or vulnerable, and we
all have our reasons. Somewhere, deep in our minds, we
hold the key. We could be anything and everything, if only
we wanted to be.

Im scaring myself. Lol. *temporal lobe, shut up. if you
have no concept of anatomy, ignore that statment*

I think thats one of the main things me and Val have in
common. Abstract thinking. Come to think of it, I think
thats what all my good friends and I have in common.
Society is a strange little thing... society is a cult.
And quite frankly, I dont want to join, but I cannot not be
a part of it. We need it to survive. Isnt that sick? We
need people to tell us what to do and how to act, because
most of us dont know any better. We need to be
controlled. Its just a matter of putting the right person
in control. We are all conditioned- but is it the right
form of conditioning? What is the right form? Didnt I
tell my temporal lobe to shut up? lol. What if we all
lived in anarchy... like back in the day, and just did as
we wished. Wed all live in poverty... is that better than
being middle classed? Still, we would have and are
controlled by 'upper' society, those lone few that hold all
the money... thus the creating of communism. In theory, it
works. But is there a way to combine equality and
freedom? I think, you get freedom, or you get equality.
You have rights, you have change, you have diversity, or
you are told what to do, think, and are the same as
everyone else? Which is worse? Again, it depends on your
mind, and how you want to see it. You could see it as the
term everyone is equal, communism, or we are all different
and enslaved, willing or unwilling, democracy. No, Im not
a communist. Im just an abstract thinker, a woman, who
thinks out loud, as most do, trying to decipher if anarchy
really is better than democracy. Anarchy isnt as bad as
the masses say, but democracy isnt as bad as the
anarchists, anti-society peoples would say. Its all a
matter of perception, and if you want to be happy with what
you have. Quite frankly, I do. But never, ever stop, and
not think ahead to the future, or youre screwed. Be happy
with what you have, but never settle for that. You can
always do better, there is always something greater to

I need to shut up and take my own advice.

Just think, this all stemmed from the fact I cant even have
a decent disscussion with my mother about the fact I need
to get my senior pictures done, get my permit, a job, and
take the SATs. The list is so long, because I feel like I
cant talk to her, like Im a burden to her, like I owe her.
And if i ask anything of her, Im stealing something from
her, taking it from her, I dont deserve her, or this
place. She lives her whole life in service for me, how
dare I ask for more.

Never, ever settle for what you have, but dont take it for
granted. You can always do better, there is always
something greater to achieve.

Im never going to get into college, never going to drive,
or get a job. All because I live in fear. Where is it
getting me? No where. I have a complex about getting
yelled at. Why? Fear. What do I do? Hold it in. Then I
contemplate doing evil things, 'im sitting here thinking
awful things, and no one seems to notice.'

Im pathetic.

Matt, angel, I love you so much. One day well save
eachother, kay?

Marie, gawsh do i miss you.

Huggles, I misses you too. Never, ever ever ever ever ever
change, okay?