ShadeofGrey

Desperately Wanting...
2002-05-05 17:27:53 (UTC)

Baby I'm amazed by you...

Damn. You were pissed. I was terrified. I honestly didn't
think that anything I said would make you angry. But it
did. Very much so. Scary. I guess mostly I was afraid of
losing you. I was afraid when you called and said you were
on your way. Of what would happen. Because I didn't want to
fight anymore. I didn't want to cry. I promised myself I
wouldn't let you see me cry over this. But we got into the
truck. And you didn't start it. And you stared at me. It
made me nervous. And I almost laughed. Because I do that
when I'm nervous. I am in awe of how mature you are.
Because boys don't come right out and say this threatens
me. I don't want something to happen between the two of
you. And I didn't know what to say half the time. Except
that you shouldn't feel threatened. And I didn't want to
cry. I hate crying. Especially in front of you. Especially
about this. Because I had to be strong about this. But all
I could say was I wanted to make you ok, because it was all
I cared about. And the tears fell. And I was so mad at
myself. And you told me to do what made me happy. That if I
wanted to hang out with him before he left, that was ok.
Because you trust me. TRUST. ME. I died. Because I think
that scared me the most. That after 7 months, you still
didn't trust me. But you do. Big word. You even said
that. "I just gave you a big word". And we said we'd let
bygones be bygones. And we did. because we are just that
damn good. I am continually amazed by how good we really
are. We are so lucky. Even more so because we realize that.
We have something great. And we know it. And we love it. We
love each other. which still kills me. I got those other
picture back today. There are some really cute ones.
Especially the one outside with us sitting. It's perfect.
And I love you! But the book must be read! So farewell! Ahh
but before I go, a big ROCK ON to Maggie for "taking the
plunge" heh! Adios!




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