No Excuses

Pillow Of Your Bones
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2002-05-05 16:54:02 (UTC)

no regrets

i was reading someone else's diary and i came across this...


I never realized how much
a part of me you are
until you were gone
returning only in my dreams
night after night haunting me
with your loving voice
I awaken to your tender touch
but you are not there and
I feel the emptiness
in my heart and soul
where you once dwelt in
loving comfort.
I am not Cinderella
my wish will not come true
or will it?
Is there a Cinderella inside me
to burst forth
in joyful song as my wish
my wonderful wish
is answered?
I do not know
life is not a fairytale
things do not turn out that way
there is no happily ever after
and yet,
like the child inside me
I yearn for my own fairytale
waiting for it to come true
waking from my dream,
not from a spectors touch
but from yours
cradled in your arms
I can look up and say those things
those words that I should have said
a long time ago
I forgive you and I am sorry for all the hurt and anguish
that I have caused you
I have made mistakes
I have not been the nicest, kindest and most loving
person to you that I could have been
I was clingy and needy
I was going through hardships that required you
to be there at a time when you could not.
I have grown though
surrounded myself with supporting beams
my friends
but there is still something missing
there is a hole in me, where you once were
and I am inviting you to return
to love and learn together
growing from mistakes
not running from them.
Those words, I have wanted to say
yet you do not look
ignoring me you turn
At that moment
my heart collapses without the missing beam's support
I die in that moment
but looking up I see
you have not shut the door
you have not shut me out
I have invited you but
you were not ready to invite me
I will wait
however long
I will wait
living through each passing day
always in my mind
my deep love is endless
I wait for you to return
accepting my invitation
glad for the rest
so you can finally stop running
and you invite me back as well
I am filling and overflowing with a feeling
that I can't describe
Oh, to be in your arms again!
I forgive you for whatever it is that you did
and I am sorry for whatever it is that I did.
The door is open.
Is this my fairytale??