eidolon

shifting mists
2002-05-05 05:21:52 (UTC)

everything's under control ...

kinda ...

... well .. it is ... because i know what's going on ... i'm aware
and in being aware i'm able to better understand and deal with what
is happening ...

... it's ... anger .. or .. restlessness ... frustration ...
irritation ... no ... none of those are right .... but they all come
close ... yet ... not what i'm feeling ...

Cease to resist, given my goodbye
Drive my car into the ocean

... i'm in the process of switching medication ... being tapered off
Effexor and tapered onto Wellbutrin ....

.. unfortunately ... there's this gap .. between when the Wellbutrin
starts working and when the Effexor fades out and ends working ....

You think i'm dead, but i sail away
On a wave of mutilation
Wave of mutilation
Wave, wave

.. and that gap has begun ... i won't be totally free of the Effexor
for another week ... but the dosage has been tapered down to the
point that there's now a noticeable difference ....

... the Wellbutrin doesn't start working for another two to three
weeks .... and i'm starting to get worried ....

i've kissed mermaids, rode the El Nino
Walked the sand with the crustaceans

... i can feel the change like a swelling wave and it frightens me to
think that it is going to crest and crash soon ... it's not one of
those things where it ~might~ happen ... it is happening NOW .. i
feel it coming and .. unfortunately .. do not have the ability to
stop it .. only to ride it out with awareness of what it is and float
back to the surface when it's over ...

... i know this ... that my awareness is what will keep me safe ...
that knowing it won't last forever will be my life-vest ...

Could find my way to Mariana
On a wave of mutilation
Wave of mutilation
Wave, wave

... at the same time ...

~sighing~ ... i hate feeling like this ...

.. and i'm scared ..


Lyrics courtesy of the song "Wave of Mutilation" by the Pixies.