the life of me
Ad 0:
2002-05-05 03:06:05 (UTC)

letter to russy

sometimes it helps to write a letter, even though you know
that you'll never deliver it. so i wrote a letter to russy,
and this is what i got. straight up from the heart...
nothing but the truth...

to my dearest friend and deepest love,
you'll never know just how much you mean to me! i'll
never be able to tell you russ, how much you've changed my
life. sometimes it amazes me that one person has completely
flipped my world upside down and forced me to look at
everything with new eyes. Eyes that see beyond human
imperfection and into the soul of the person. good
intentions are usually ment by the people that hurt you the
most... and through you i've seen that. someday i'll get up
the courage to tell you everything. all the nights i stayed
up thinking of you, crying for you... maybe someday i'll
tell you about what i did today, when i thought you'd asked
deanne out already. i cried. i ran into the bathroom
leaving you and the rest of the choir behind me, hiding
behind the excuse that 'i had to pee.' but once the door
was shut and locked behind me... i fell to the floor in
tears. to think that you were truely gone from me... it was
as if i saw hell opening and swallowing me up before my
eyes. torture was all that i saw in my future... a life
knowing that i'd never be what you were looking for... what
she is... the worst torture i've ever known. i'm not deanne
russ, i'm lynsey. i'm only imperfect, only human, only me!
but with you i feel closer to perfect than ever before.
with you i'm better. with you i'm in love. but with me
you're still in love with her. i'll have to learn to accept
that i supose. it won't be easy, but if i love you... i'll
do it. if i care, i'll let go. so as i sit here in front of
my computer screen, crying for what i'm leaving behind, i
know that it's not the end. the fairy tale wasn't over in
february. there'll be another chapter... another time...
another love. and someday you'll see that i was right all