Stevathediva

Steva's Life
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Ezoic
2002-05-05 00:39:10 (UTC)

The 3rd day

Ok, well since there's no one to talk to right now i
guess i'll have to type it up here,

I've lived this long in NH, its my 3rd day, and i'm
ready to kill my self.
There's nothing to do, and i mean absolutly NOTHING to do.

I sit here day after day after day, The place that i
worked for all last year wants me to come back Tuesday and
wed.

But i'm really up in the air on that idea becuase if i get
in to summer theater then i'm gonna have to leave right
away because of the Rehersel Scedg. So i don't know
weather or not i should go back.... so i'm really bugged
by that, because i don't want to say no and be upset and i
don't want to say yes and then have to leave right away
and have them be upset :-( so i'm really in the middle
here, What do you think?

I just want august to come sooner so i can move down with
jeff to NY? Why can't things go my way for once, Why can't
wishes come true, Why can't my life be just a little bit
easyer and go a little bit smoother, I need the city, I
need the noise and the ability to walk to the places i
want to go and just being in the heart of the world.

Like i also look at the fact that i have very few
friends, Most of the people that i know are not realy
friends there are like 3-4 Actual friends there's only one
that i've known for more then 10 years, There's very few
that i've known for more then 1 year that actually still
hang out with me, Then there are the bunch of "people"
that i hang out with that just end up using me, witch is
quite mean and i get really hurt by them so i just say
never again but guess what it happens again, and again and
again, I know i'm imature for my age in many of the
fields and i'm sorry for those who it bother's but i can't
do anything about it, i origanlly came from a fucked up
family and i can't do anything about it.
Then there are the fields that i'm Very Mature in but no
one cares about those fields so i don't understand. I
wished i were a better person but i'm not.... I wished i
were smarter but i'm not.
I wished i could fofill all my dreams but who know's
weather i will or not. I just wished i was a better person
and a mature person and someone who understude half the
things that go one in this world and someone who was a
better person. But guess what, I'm not.
It just hurts alot.

I just want august to come sooner and move to NY, Becuase
then i'll be alot happyer, And i won't be so upset about
being bored and feeling sorry for my self and all that.
Well i'm off
Kisses
-STD


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