.Scream Your Dream.

Emo Violence
2002-05-04 16:43:10 (UTC)

Its Fitting,

that the back cover of our zine reads End. the impact of
last night has not yet hit me and i fear this night will be
rough, very rough. im listening to the cd Save by Apparatus
Engine and its makign me cry. when i was watching them last
nigt i was choking back the tears. i wish things hadnt
changed. i wish they were like they were, one month ago,
one month ago this day, spring break adn everything living
for the moment. i feel stressed and planned now, what is
this, who am i, who have i become since 2001. the past 4
months have been so altering for me.

cause this mercator projection distorts lines and the
truth, i feel were losing direction, and i feel im losing
my youth.

that song, this song now, all of the,

Apparatus Engine - Ten of 8
"cast me archaic and follow on through, its so ironic and
recently new, pour over letters saved every damn one a four
page reminder of the distance between us."

thats my song, right this second. right now. forever. that
is me, more than this bitter pill, more than modest mouse,
that one, that is mine. i dont think ive ever heard
anything that better epitomizes my relationship with mike.

i didnt know that a boy who i loved barely as a friend
could jade me so hard. no one knows. could i even hear an
excuse right now, im so weak. i use no restraint.

the past 24 hours are very sketchy. everything went well,
scratch that. make it awesome, everythig went awesome. as
best as it could. the bands were amazing, i took over 50
pictures, and i photo documented the entire night including
the pre-show events, the zine happenings, the show - i
think 9 bands, and after show get together, lots of
friends, lots of people, and hopefully everything comes out
pretty.

seeing sam last night hurt. i handed him his package, the
zine i made him which, i thought, was nothing short of my
best, most jaded and emotional pieces, a tape, and of
course A Word zine. the most beautiful one i could put
together. im shaking my head now. why do i throw my
emotions away. im wasting valuable positive feelings.

weirdest moment of the show: Lolly Obnoxious picking her
wedgie.

Happiest moment of the show: somewhere around Rescue the
past/Signal-static. beautiful art. also appratus engine
playin. to 8 people. me being one of them. nothing short of
pure art.

Saddest moment of the show: explaining to alicia guckin why
the sounds werent playing and everything in my life thats
fucking me up, and her giving me about 6 long hugs and
crying right there.

weirdest moment of the party: Aj sullivan and lots and lots
of photographs.

Happiest moment of the party: Jillian AKA THE TWISTER.

Saddest moment of the party: talking with bryse in the
kitchen and just about to break down cept girls came in and
i kept it all in, oh and going to bed alone of course.

why do i get away with murder, but none of it is worth
anything if you arnt with the one person you want to be
with.

im not looking forward to night, im dreading it actually.
all i want to do is sit and sleep and sleep. and listen to
this cd forever. i need to talk to bryse about lots of
things, in private, not online. maybe if she goes tonight
we can go for a long walk and discuss some stuff, i need
some direction now and im not getting it from this sad
music.


this is good night.

"Please dont call or right, i feel our battle is over,
except if only for spite or wrong reaons or old fights,
please post no responce our institution has ended and i
must find a new way to beat you, please tell me what your
thinking and there is tension beween men and the sonds that
they both render."
Giving Hints By apparatus engine.

with love
sarah