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2002-05-04 04:53:06 (UTC)

02/05/2002

Well i just decided to keep a journal of how things are
going in my life. From now up until
i leave, i want to absorb and take in as much memory as i
can of this place i call home.
I know i'm going to miss it here, but there's not too much
to hold me back at all. My journey
has just started a while back. I do think that there is a
reason that i came to this place
and i had to make a life for myself here. I've drain a much
as i can of the resources. It's
time for me to move on. My experience here has given me the
ammunition for me to take on
whatever it is that coming my way. I know that i haven't
even known the meaning of hardship
yet. I feel like i'm a strong person mentally. But i
haven't had enough experience to
actually know myself on a rounder level. I feel for 2
dimensional sometimes because i haven't
had as much depth as someone who thinks so deeply. I think
deeply. But i feel that i'm
inadequate sometimes.

But anyways, that what i'm hoping to gain on this trip. I
want to find my own paradise. A
place that i can call to when i need it. Maybe this is my
paradise. But i won't know it until
i've left here. I won't be in the comfort of my parents, no
friends to run to, no one to stand
behin when i'm scared. It excites me to know that i'm going
to have to deal wiht all of that
on my own. I have to meet people all over again. All on my
own. My own paradise.

I see myself sitting at a coffee shop, playing a guitar,
singing, expressing my deepest inner
most thoughts. No one knows what goes on in my head but me.
My fears and feelings will be
exposed to the listeners around me. It makes them think. It
temporarily brings the people
listening to me some sort of comfort, that they're not so
different. I feel different. But
that difference i'm hoping will be accepted in this new
place i'm journeying to. Oh how
i'm going to miss my life here. It makes me quite sad that
i could not really call this place
home. I dont' want to ever have to search everywhere to
find my place. I have no place here.
For so long this has been my home. But the comfort has
never been there. The sheltered
mentality that everyone seems to have adapted. It amuses me.

One final time. All think think twice, cause it's another
day for me and you in paradise.
Paradise. A mysterious place that i'm searching for. Will i
ever find it? I guess i'll never
know unless i look for it!


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