3 May 2002
Most of the time, I despises him. There may not be any
concrete reason for me to do so, butit just is that way.
Straight from my heart, if feelings really emanate from the
hear, which is just a manner of speaking. One of my lesser
wishes will be that I have never lay my eyes on him. Maybe
even better, he never existed. Come to think of it, vice
versa is the best. However, as with everything else that
suck in life, wishes never come true.
Sometimes I feel so angry that I might burst. Hatred paving
the way for anger. I want to scream, long and loud. I want
to bash something with a bat until the bat breaks or I
break down. But that is not to be. So I suppress the anger.
I keep it inside me, compacting and compacting, waiting to
see when this 'container' will fall apart with the
pressure. I want to curse.
I am tired of pretending to be someone I am not. Being
force into doing something I do not enjoy. Being force to
enjoy something because it is suppose to be. I am so sick
of listening to that explanation. 'Is is what it is suppose
to be'. When I am forced to to something, I feel like
screaming into that person's ear until his or her drums
explode. Fuck it. So I am not the person you would like me
to be. So be it. Fuck off. Stay you distace or else shut
that filthy mouth. Mentally, I have smashed many bats and
maybe a few noses.
I hate it. Disdain. Despise.
Often enough, I have to witness real life plays
orchestrated by sanctimonious bastards who are only eager
to look after and cover their own asses. And of course, as
demanded by the laws of this universe, these SBs
(sanctimonious bastards) are hailed by other nincompoops,
who can't see further than their noses, as their saviours.
As usual, greed and selfishness will overcome all other
instincts. These SBs will not be satisfied with the
obedient, tail-wagging dogs that they have gathered.
Instead, they proclaim themselves kings and turned to
conquer and proselytize others.
Welcome to earth.