*Bubbles and Ducks*
2002-05-03 22:15:53 (UTC)


I'm really bad at sticking with a diary, I always do it
for a while and then forget about it. But I think now is
the perfect time to summarize how sucky my life is right
now. Again boys are the basis of my pain. A sorrow caused
by only one's heart. And this time the pain bearer is Brett.
I like Brett more than anyone else I've ever liked and
I'm not just saying that. I know he will not be the love of
my life, but for now he is. I started out thinking he was
annoying, but then I flirted with him a little (I flirt
with everyone and usually end up liking them), and then I
fell for him...hard. Harder than anyone else I've fell for.
And so I flirted with him all the time and he seemed to
flirt back. So finally I admit to someone other than my
friends that I like him and ask who he liked. Previously he
had gone out with a sorta kinda friend of mine Jaclyn who
is really annoying, but that didn't last long because there
was a rumor that he liked another friend of mine Nikki,
that was all before I liked him. Nikki and him never went
out of course, but it was common knowledge that he liked
her, but he always denied it so no one is really sure. And
so I ask this guy who I guess is his friend who Brett liked
and he said Natalie, a friend of mine who also flirts with
everybody, but the thing is she REALLY flirts like a lot
and really heavily and she also flirts with people other
people like and people that other people are going out with
(including our friends boyfriends)she has a reputaion for
being a whore. So Natalie kept flirting with Brett and I
asked if she really liked him or was she just flirting to
flirt and if she was just flirting to flirt please stop
because he liked her and it might lead him and and it
really pissed me off and made me jealous, that made us get
into a really big fight and for almost two weeks I just
referred to her as "the whore". Ok, so I was thinking he
liked Nat, but turns out he didn't.
So after flirting and liking him for a really long time,
genius me decides to write him a "I like you" letter (this
was like 3 days ago). So I write this really great letter
that's not too sappy, but says how I feel and that I was
wondering if he felt the same way. OH! I forgot, I had
previously had a friend tell him that she thought I liked
him, so that if he didn't like me or the subject was ever
brought I could say well she thought wrong, but if he did
liked me I could say that she thought right. See, I'm very
smart. Ok so anyway, back to the letter. So I have my
friend *Bridget* give this letter to him at the end of the
day with a message to read it later, but somehow it was
given to my other friend *Cathy* to give to him which is
fine, but how the heck did she get it? So anyway, the note
is given to him and he reads it at home. The next day I'm
totally nervous and sort of excited. I was kinda happy that
I was so brave to do that. And well he's in my gym class
and we're both kind of avoiding each other. I did tell him
to write back in the letter. So like 2 periods later a
friend Courtney asked him if he liked me and she told me he
said "as a friend" so ya know I was bummed. Because I was
thinking he kind of liked me and all my friends said he
probably did and they had told me to ask him out for the
longest time and so finally I bare my soul and turns out he
didn't like me like that. He also said he wouldn't write
back because it was "too wierd". So now me and him are in a
akward silence because he's in almost all my classes and I
like him sooo much. I might even say I love him. And the
really big 8th grade dance is coming up and I don't have a
date. I was hoping Brett would be mine, but oh well. But so
I silently love him. And it feels really bad. Usually my
crushes slowly fade like in a couple of weeks, but it's
been 2 months and I still like him as much as I ever did.
It all just makes me want to cry because he's caused me and
Nat to fight and me to feel so great and also soo sad. I'm
soo sorry *Cathy* for ever telling you to forget about
Neill because now I know what it's like to be so in love
with someone that no matter what, you can't forget and you
can't stop liking them. It's all so fucked up. I like him
sooo much. You can't believe how much I've said that and
how true it really is.
Next order of business is Greg, Henry, and the flavor of
the week. What I have figured out about myself is that I
don't like a certain type of guy like most girls do, I just
like who I like. For example, one week I'll like the nerd,
the next a jerky funny type, and next the bad ass. I never
like the same kind of guy twice in a row.
GREG: Every once in a while I'll pick a guy to turn all
my flirtatious attentions to, like Wayne and Fuad. This
time it's Greg. I really like Greg too. He's really sweet
and plays along. After my friends Natalie and Bekki found
out my Brett problem they considered Greg. Why not ask out
Greg?? And I was like NO!! He's Greg! He's just my boy toy
like Wayne and Fuad!! So one day after play practice for
this years production of Guys and Dolls (I'm on Backstage
Crew and he's a gambler) I told him that Bekki and Nat
think I should ask him out. He said that if I did he would
sadly have to say no, which I think is wierd considering he
went out with nasty girls such as Melissa Fitzgerald, Julie
Landsman, and Christine Shumar. And I said I didn't really
want to ask him out because he's like my brother, no the
boy next door.But later while still waiting to be picked up
we were looking through the cartoon drawing book (he really
likes to draw, and he's really good at it) and there were
all these really skinny cartoon women with big boobs. So me
and Nat are like you can't look at that! We were joking and
he said in reply I don't have to. And I'm like Julie and
Christine, yeah baby!! And then he's like and "I have you
so that's a major plus", he said something along those
lines I can't remember exactly. But he totally complimented
me and it was really sweet. So I think we both like each
other, but I probably like him more than he likes me. At
least I hope he likes me.
HENRY: Henry is mentioned in one of my previous entries
and our friendship has only grown. Our friendship seems to
have last forever like we grew up together and played
together in a sandbox when we were 2. But we haven't we've
only known each other for a couple months and have only met
in person once. So a couple days ago I told him that I
loved him. And I do. I love him like I love all my other
friends, except more so. And he loves me too. It's amazing
how well we understand each other. I could marry him and
know I would be happy for the rest of my life.
I found my 8th grade dance dress!! I got it off the
delias website it's blue and me and my mom both loved it.
Me and my mom never agree on clothes!!
So once again my journal entry mostly revolves around
boys and how hopelesslly boy crazy I am. If you read this
PLEASE give me feedback on how fucked up you think I am or
if you think I'm just hopelessllly devoted to the male